The Forecast Fold
by Rich Langford on Oct 15, 2010 12:12 AM PDT
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PrintFriends and fellow subjects, once again I have returned with the good words that tell us what has not yet happened. Raiderdamus's cave was hopping this week. The Sibyls were dancing to The Great One's incredible Turntable Mixes and the Ethylene gases were flowing freely.
Curious, I asked what the festive good mood was for.
"The Oracle has seen good fortune for the team clad in silver and black," a Sibyl stopped stripping off her gown long enough to tell me.
"Wow, you almost get as excited as I do when the Raiders win."
"Of course we do," she answered while dancing on her hands, "The original Sibyl, The Oracle of Delphi, was ignored and pitied as the BSer of Athens until Al Davis got Apollo to listen to her predictions."
At this moment, they all stopped, raised their hands and chanted "praise Al!" as they twisted and jumped.
Weird scenes inside the Chile Mine, my friends. Anyway, without further ado...RAIDERDAMUS
Oh and check out the devoted apprentices, lil' Dam Bros Co (trademark pending) below.
After much deliberation, I have foreseen the results of the Raiders-Niners game on Sunday. It will be a hard-fought game, lots of physical play on both sides and several personal fouls. The teams, like their fanbases, do not like each other. This will be a war.
First of all, I would like to address all the fake prognosticators in Vegas. The Raiders are seven point dogs, really? Have they seen any Niner games this year? This team couldn't find its own ass with two hands, a flashlight, and a copy of Gray's Anatomy.
Anyway, on to the specifics. The Niners offense has plenty of weapons, but no consistency. Alex Smith is talented but prone to bonehead moves. He is, however, very mobile and that will pose issues unless Rolando McClain can spy him sucessfully. His offensive line is really banged up and I predict at least three sacks. Carr may see time in this game. Smith passes for 230 yards, one TD, two picks.
Frank Gore is a beast and will decimate us. However, I doubt the Niners' ability to get him the ball enough times to be truly effective, especially if the Raiders score early. 130 yards, 1 TD.
Whoever starts for us at QB should have a pretty good day. As the Eagles showed, with good balance you can move the ball on the Niners. Patrick Willis is the best LB in football and will get to the QB at least once, but we don't have to worry much about their D-Line aside from Justin Smith. I predict we allow two sacks, but Unknown QB racks up 270 yards and two TDs with one pick.
Michael Bush and/or McFadden if healthy enough to go should have a pretty good game. I say 160 yds rushing, 1 TD. Gallery may be back for this game. Let's hope so. The Raiders should blitz all day long because if Smith is pressured, he can make big mistakes.
It's hard for me to predict a Raider win in any given week (last week was nerve-wracking for me), especially one in which they're facing a team that's really hungry for a win like the Niners are, but the Niners just suck so bad. Anyway, Raiders win, 31-17.
Raiders on the backside of an emotional week. Niners with the backs to the wall.My pick (based on that I think Campbell starts)...Raiders win 24-21
Sons prediction is posted below. Post your visions in the thread, put the scores in bold and if you get closest to the score, you may get a glimpse of the cave.
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Thank you, Raiderdamus!
May your forecast be true…
The RAIDER NATION is the ONLY NATION!!
by oaklandSMASH on Oct 15, 2010 12:45 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Oh you know his brother!
For centuries people have turned to one man for the answer to life’s greatest mysteries. That man is RaiderDamus.
RaiderDamus, will JaMarcus Russell ever get another job?
Yes, it will be Good Morning, Sizzurp America. It will begin at noon.
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
by Rich Langford on Oct 15, 2010 12:59 AM PDT up reply actions
"Good Morning..." "...begin at Noon"
LoL!
I’ll take 11 players with heart on the field over 11 guys with just talent. Talent is fleeting, it goes away over time. Heart is what drives you to be better. To push yourself beyond what you think your capabilities are. To show us that when you strive, all things are possible.- SMP
These players, a lot of other people didn't believe in them, but they believe in themselves. And that is all that matters."- Bill Belichick
I'm also a Raider Fan dammit!!! RAIDER NATION!!!!
Incase you don't know
I don’t want to take credit. That is all from Paul Mooney on a Chapelle Show skit and if you don’t know, Patguy, shame on you. It’s comedy gold!
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
by Rich Langford on Oct 15, 2010 11:38 AM PDT up reply actions
That whole show was the most classic show on T.V. this millennium. Chappelle is a fuckin' genius.
To Patguy, Paul Mooney (pictured) played a character in a sketch named “Negrodamus” and the exchange that Noontide posted went exactly like that except the question was “Will Arsenio Hall ever get another show?” and his reply was “Yes, it will be called Good Morning, Black America, and the show will begin at Noon.”
If you haven’t seen the show before or never saw that sketch, I suggest you pick up a copy of the first two seasons on DVD. The Chappelle Show was funnier than SNL’s been in the last 10-15 years. By far. Just know that if you were to ever invest with Wu-Tang Financial that they would implore you to “Diversify yo bonds, nigga”
by Raider Zealot on Oct 15, 2010 11:59 AM PDT up reply actions
I know about negrodamus/Paul Mooney. :) :) :)
I’ll take 11 players with heart on the field over 11 guys with just talent. Talent is fleeting, it goes away over time. Heart is what drives you to be better. To push yourself beyond what you think your capabilities are. To show us that when you strive, all things are possible.- SMP
These players, a lot of other people didn't believe in them, but they believe in themselves. And that is all that matters."- Bill Belichick
I'm also a Raider Fan dammit!!! RAIDER NATION!!!!
I love Dave Chepelle, although I can't remember very many skits(it's been a while since I've seen an episode).
Hes my favorite comedian. :)
I’ll take 11 players with heart on the field over 11 guys with just talent. Talent is fleeting, it goes away over time. Heart is what drives you to be better. To push yourself beyond what you think your capabilities are. To show us that when you strive, all things are possible.- SMP
These players, a lot of other people didn't believe in them, but they believe in themselves. And that is all that matters."- Bill Belichick
I'm also a Raider Fan dammit!!! RAIDER NATION!!!!
Raiders will have a balanced attack
49ers QB’s will blow scoring opportunities by giving the ball away. Raiders win: 27-16
Your team is your child...You love it no matter what.
Very nice. I have to agree with Raiderdamus except on the score
Raiders 28, Niners 17.
Refuse to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death
Raiders win 24-22
Oakland smartens up and has a balanced offensive attack and heavy blitzing on 2nd and 3rd down early in the first half building a lead. SF whiners begin to grumble; in the 3rd quarter one big pass play from Smith to Crabtree brings them within a touchdown. However after a good time-consuming drive leading to a field goal in the 4th by the Oakland offense SF takes over from there. SF scores another touchdown late in the final minute but miss on the two-point conversion. The Oakland Raiders are still in second place in the AFC West after six weeks.
"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong"
- Benjamin Franklin
I think you nailed it.
Only you forgot to say is that if the Raiders win, all the credit will go to the coordinators and Cable will stil catch crap from Raiders fans because he isn’t animated enough on the sidelines or press conferences. If they lose it will be because Cable is stupid and because he didn’t go mental (gyrations, arm-waving and expeltives hurled) on the sidelines or his press conference, therefore failing to get the team motivated to win because Lord knows, going apeshit in front of everyone is the only way to lead the troops.
Don't shoot, I'm a man.
No, but talking to a player occaisionally during the game (coaching) isn't against the law. Cable yelled and clapped
last season; now he paces and mumbles … this indicates that he’s “taken a step forward” and “is almost there”
S-O-B: ITS HOW I ROLL, DEAL WITH IT.
by Sons-of-Blanda on Oct 15, 2010 1:06 PM PDT up reply actions
BS
Saw him talking to guys on the sidelines last week. What coach gets into the minutia with every player on every down during a game? Maybe you want him to be in charge of everything like last year? You guys are getting overly critical. When Nnamdi says the coach has the players attention & respect, that’s good enough for me for now…because these guys aren’t quitting no matter the talent they have. That is a huge improvement. Good enough? Not quite enough for me but he has a shitload to deal with, much more than any other coach in the league. I give him the rest of the season to show improvement. Then Al can bring in another guy with little or no experience to put it in revrese…again.
Don't shoot, I'm a man.
I'm glad he's finally interacting with players during the game that's a big improvement
S-O-B: ITS HOW I ROLL, DEAL WITH IT.
by Sons-of-Blanda on Oct 15, 2010 4:08 PM PDT up reply actions
You know what Rusty23? You are right sir.
No sarcasm at all. I think if Oakland beats SF this Sunday then Cable should get some sort of kudos for once. I for one have been shitting on him all year long which has a lot to do with the lack of preparation in the season opener in Tenn but that’s the past. This team has a chance to be 3-3 with ten weeks left. That is basically a new season (for Gallery and Schillens especially) but I mean it would be like 0-0 with only five division games left. We all bitched all off-season about Cable needing to stay away from calling plays especially after the Browns game last year and now that he seems to keep his mouth shut we want him running around and being vocal. This is a big game for him and really a historic win in terms of the path the team has taken after an understated huge emotional win the previous week. If Tom Cable has Jason and the rest of the squad prepared for a feisty niners team and comes away with a win, then he deserves the lion’s share of the credit. I wish them luck.
"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong"
- Benjamin Franklin
Oakland – 20
SF – 3
We beat the shit out of Smith, domninate Gore, and our O looks amazing. RAAIIIDDUUUHHZ!
When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
+1
I’ll take 11 players with heart on the field over 11 guys with just talent. Talent is fleeting, it goes away over time. Heart is what drives you to be better. To push yourself beyond what you think your capabilities are. To show us that when you strive, all things are possible.- SMP
These players, a lot of other people didn't believe in them, but they believe in themselves. And that is all that matters."- Bill Belichick
I'm also a Raider Fan dammit!!! RAIDER NATION!!!!
Raiders 24 49ers 10
Cambell: 25/37 265 yds 2 td 0int
bush: 31 carries 121 yds 1 td
miller: 7rec 98 yds 1 td
smith: 17/31 198 yds 1int
gore: 25 carries 88 yds 1td
Davis: 9 rec 135 yds
by 3XSBCHAMPS.OAK. on Oct 15, 2010 8:51 AM PDT via mobile reply actions
I like this prediction
The RAIDER NATION is the ONLY NATION!!
by oaklandSMASH on Oct 15, 2010 9:55 AM PDT up reply actions
Halftime: raiders 14 49ers 10
by 3XSBCHAMPS.OAK. on Oct 15, 2010 1:35 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
Raiders all over the 49er's
38-24 Raiders…Lets get shit done and let’s see Rolando McClain’s Breakout game for 2 ints and 10 tackles!
19-17
Both teams look awful in a turnover ridden game. The RAIDERS DEFENSE gets the ball back late so SeaBass can kick the re-demption 3.
BACK 2BACK
Raiders, 17-13
Failure builds character; success reveals it
my prediction
Raiders D will score early on a sack/fumble recovery
put togather a couple nice long drives,1 for TD,1 for FG
allow niners to get 3 on a FG just before half.
17-3 Raiders at half time.
Raiders Score on a ST play to open 2nd half.
niners try to make it a game by putting togather 2 drives for TD’s
Raiders offence dosent score ,but does eat some time off clock
Niners get the ball back with under 2 minutes to go,but a pick 6 by the Raiders seals the deal.
31-17 Raiders
I’ll take 11 players with heart on the field over 11 guys with just talent. Talent is fleeting, it goes away over time. Heart is what drives you to be better. To push yourself beyond what you think your capabilities are. To show us that when you strive, all things are possible.- SMP
I'm also a Raider Fan dammit!!! RAIDER NATION!!!!
My vision...
Alex Smith running for his life and Gore w/ little or no way to carry a team by himself. Gore has played sub-par because of O-line play, but a game is won or lost in the trenches. I think this is the final straw to a 49er Implosion and Raiders win big. I’m still saying Raiders 10+. Alex Smith goes for 1 TD and 2 ints. Also think Gore will get under 100 or right around that and 1 TD and a fumble. Final score……..30-14……Chiefs win too though so It still leaves you 2 games back 8-)…I hope
Janikowski
kicks a 65 yard field goal.
Al Davis shits his pants, and while he’s being cleaned up, Raiders win, 21 to 13.
I'd like more clarity.
After Jano kicks a 65 yarder, how do the Raiders end up with 21 points? Who cleans AD’s pants?
Don't shoot, I'm a man.
Simple.
The 65 yarder was his 7th field goal of the day. Not sure about Al’s pant-cleaner though.
by KlausChadman on Oct 15, 2010 2:32 PM PDT up reply actions
the Seymour pregame locker room speech got me fired up!!!
aka GOLDENBOYWARRIOR
by gogomaplata on Oct 15, 2010 11:34 AM PDT up reply actions
I am really beginning to love Dick
Wait…that came out all wrong! Seymour is awesome. I just realized in official listings he is, Seymour, Dick. No wonder he is such a bad mamma jamma.
You should post it as a fanshot.
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
by Rich Langford on Oct 15, 2010 11:41 AM PDT up reply actions
how do you post it?
im not sure if theres a youtube video of it but man, he says things that will get you ready to fight your mom!!!
aka GOLDENBOYWARRIOR
by gogomaplata on Oct 15, 2010 12:03 PM PDT up reply actions
Well, if the clip is online, I am no help on this one.
My mom is thankful.
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
by Rich Langford on Oct 15, 2010 2:53 PM PDT up reply actions
After watching that, can we have Roger Goodell show up for all Raiders games from now on please?
That’s just the superstitious side of me talking.
"I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong"
- Benjamin Franklin
Seymour Cox? lol
Hope you get the reference. ;)
I’ll take 11 players with heart on the field over 11 guys with just talent. Talent is fleeting, it goes away over time. Heart is what drives you to be better. To push yourself beyond what you think your capabilities are. To show us that when you strive, all things are possible.- SMP
These players, a lot of other people didn't believe in them, but they believe in themselves. And that is all that matters."- Bill Belichick
I'm also a Raider Fan dammit!!! RAIDER NATION!!!!
I am disappointed in myself that I don't.
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
by Rich Langford on Oct 15, 2010 2:53 PM PDT up reply actions
Burn After Reading.
I’ll take 11 players with heart on the field over 11 guys with just talent. Talent is fleeting, it goes away over time. Heart is what drives you to be better. To push yourself beyond what you think your capabilities are. To show us that when you strive, all things are possible.- SMP
These players, a lot of other people didn't believe in them, but they believe in themselves. And that is all that matters."- Bill Belichick
I'm also a Raider Fan dammit!!! RAIDER NATION!!!!
Oh I love that movie
although I haven’t seen it since the theater. I’ll have to re-watch it now.
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
by Rich Langford on Oct 15, 2010 5:57 PM PDT up reply actions
Sorry. It's Osbourne Cox. Quote fail. :(
NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ll take 11 players with heart on the field over 11 guys with just talent. Talent is fleeting, it goes away over time. Heart is what drives you to be better. To push yourself beyond what you think your capabilities are. To show us that when you strive, all things are possible.- SMP
These players, a lot of other people didn't believe in them, but they believe in themselves. And that is all that matters."- Bill Belichick
I'm also a Raider Fan dammit!!! RAIDER NATION!!!!
My prediction is mutiny on the bounty
and it’s not the pirates, it’s the miners. Singletary has pissed off his team for the last time and realizing he is a lot closer to losing his job than they are, they aren’t going to bring the level of fight that the Raiders are.
Raiders 155 yards rushing
3-1 in turnovers
Sack fumble for Scott
and DHB gets his first long TD
Raiders 31-20
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
campbell needs to prove himself here
if he wants the nation to back him up… he will be booed every snap if he doesnt get his shit straight
aka GOLDENBOYWARRIOR
no more goddamn throwing out of bounds, no more dumping off to Bush
we need him to make plays in order for us to win… regardless of what you guys may think, Campbell is still inconsistent at best and has yet to develop chemistry with the entire team… thats where i think the run game comes in. run run pass run. that should be the order of plays
aka GOLDENBOYWARRIOR
DEFENSE!!!!
Bush will slam his way to another 100 yd game and Jason will deliver to Zach, Marcel and MikeBush spending a few targets on Bey for nothing and hitting Murphy thrice.
S-O-B: ITS HOW I ROLL, DEAL WITH IT.
by Sons-of-Blanda on Oct 15, 2010 12:57 PM PDT reply actions
My prediction
Is if I watch this game I will have my shaved head of hair all fall out and my entire beard will go a very dull gray. I cannot afford to watch this game for health reasons and my head may explode from other external factors combined with yet again another Raider stressed out win with ball control all over the place, missed assignments, blown coverage……….oh I could go on for a while but won’t. In the end we shall win the game of attrition and win not very excitingly but it will be a win.
24-16 Raiders win
Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
by TheLyleAlzadoPunch on Oct 15, 2010 12:59 PM PDT reply actions
My prediction is....
20-17 Raiders
But I think the Niners might end up taking it if we don’t hit ’em in the mouth from the jump.
Raiders 43 / 9ers 9
Alex Smith picked 5 times.
Carr 1 int.
Frank Gore cries all the way home.
Death is coming for everyone, and that makes living fun.
Raiders 38 SF 24
Campbell 280 and 3 TD’s 0 INT/ Smith 250 1 TD 3 INT
Bush/McFad 175 total yards and 2TD’s/ Gore 100 and 2 TD’s to go with 2 FUM
DHB 80 and 1 TD, Murphy 110, Z Miller 70 1 TD/ Crab 80 1TD, Davis 105
OAK wins TO battle 5-1 and score a DEF TD for the second game in a row
"Like I said, it’s like me giving you a high-five and chest bump after you hit for the cycle against the kid in the wheelchair." Vacafan on May 14, 2010
I want to know
the justification for an 0-5 team to be favored by 7 freaking points. Even if you think the Raiders are bad and credit home field advantage, the 9ers are STILL WINLESS for godssake.
I mean, I have to assume professional handicappers know more than I, but come on!
crystalmeth my friend crystalmeth
it has obviously over taken the LV sports book
Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
by TheLyleAlzadoPunch on Oct 15, 2010 5:47 PM PDT up reply actions
We get no respect
watching the NFL Network and Fatass Jamie Dukes and Rod Woodson both believe the Niners will get their first win of the season.
Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
by TheLyleAlzadoPunch on Oct 16, 2010 6:49 AM PDT up reply actions
Handicapping is NOT about predicting the win, ferchrissakes
It’s about getting the maximum number of people to bet on the game. Las Vegas handicappers and casinos could give a shit who wins; they want the betting to be as heavy as possible.
Failure builds character; success reveals it
Houses set the opening line where they think it will best divide the gaming population (split wager totals)
But they do influence perception by being somewhat adroit at setting spreads fairly well. RC is wondering why it would open at -7 for an 0-5 team. My answer is, Oakland’s inability to put 2 wins together. What’s yours?
S-O-B: ITS HOW I ROLL, DEAL WITH IT.
by Sons-of-Blanda on Oct 16, 2010 7:27 PM PDT up reply actions
I'd say that's part of it
The rest is being ‘on the road’, as well as somewhat unfavorable matchups, and how well San Francisco has played. They are not a 0-5 talent level team, and it is a surprise to pretty much everyone that they have the record that they do.
I have hopes that the Raiders will be able to contain the running game enough to win the game, but the numbers don’t point to that. I have hopes that the defense will be able to force a turnover or two, and keep the 49ers from having big plays, but again, the stats don’t bear that out. I hope that the offense will be able to control the clock, but the numbers are shaky on that as well.
I predicted 17-13, Raiders, but if I’m not a fan of Oakland, then it would seem to be picking against the odds. Does 7 points seem high? Yep, but is it high enough to stir betting to bet the spread…?
I’m guessing so.
Failure builds character; success reveals it
I would say it's because we've proved nothing
apart from beating 2 teams that either suck or are falling hard or have crappy RBs. We were well on our way to losing the choker game until some stupid playcalling from epic-fail Norv saved our asses. That, plus the lack of 2 wins in a row, plus the fact that there was a preconceived notion from “league experts” that SF would win the NFC West in dominant fashion, is why we are down. And some of these same “experts” keep picking them. And they say Al holds on to decisions too long.
"God will understand. And if he does not understand, then he is not God, and we need not worry." -Orlando Bloom, Kingdom of Heaven
by angelesoterica on Oct 16, 2010 11:52 PM PDT up reply actions
"There comes a point an a mans life...
… he has to step up… I dont care what kind of man you are!!! the come’s a point where has to fight!!! He has to has that in ’em! He gotta have that in ’em… Lets go, LETS GO!!! FIGHT on 3… 1-2-3- FIGHT!!!!
- Richard Seymour (Raiders Pre Game Speech)
aka GOLDENBOYWARRIOR
Raiders 24 9ers 14
Murphy has his best game to date an has more than dhb and crabtree combined
by $73.27 on Oct 16, 2010 9:19 AM PDT via mobile reply actions
So he will
have only 2 catches and 30 yards? Fuck that ain’t saying much my man. Say he will get more than Davis and Crabtree or something but more than DuHB and Crabtree is not big feat. You or I can do that.
Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
by TheLyleAlzadoPunch on Oct 16, 2010 11:40 AM PDT up reply actions
I also said he have his best game.
My cheap magic 8 ball shows three digits. Looks like 159 yds.
by $73.27 on Oct 16, 2010 11:49 AM PDT via mobile up reply actions
This is the same magic 8 ball
That said Jamarcus Russell would start tweaking and lose a bunch of weight… so it can be misleading.
by $73.27 on Oct 16, 2010 11:54 AM PDT via mobile up reply actions
There's still plenty of time for that one.
Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
by Rich Langford on Oct 16, 2010 3:55 PM PDT up reply actions
23-17 Raiders
Carr comes in after Alex is removed from the game, concussed from his helmet bouncing off the turf courtesy of Shaugnessy, Wimbley, and ultimately Huff on his patented front side DB blitz (or Mitchell or Branch).
Special teams plays well in the return game, with no scores, but some amazing field position and some excitement to fire up both the offense and defense.
Gore breaks free for one big one and a score, but gets bottled up in the second half, and won’t get enough carries as Carr will be playing catching and will be forced to throw too often.
"If your only ambition in life, is to be a better person; well, that's just the best ambition you can have..." Wayne "Rabbit" Bartholomew
I leave the Predicting(praying) to all of you !!
All I got to say is JUST WIN BABY !!!!
Raiders 16, Niners 13
DHB gets a TD, Jano is lights out, Smith gets pulled in the 3rd for Carr (performance), and TK is ejected for consecutive unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. Bruce comes in for the final 2:27 and gets us in FG range.
"God will understand. And if he does not understand, then he is not God, and we need not worry." -Orlando Bloom, Kingdom of Heaven
by angelesoterica on Oct 16, 2010 11:57 PM PDT reply actions
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