My how quickly things change. I made the now familiar trek out to the Great One's cave, only to find it ransacked and barren--except for a few battered and bruised Sibyls.
Confident in his visions and hoping to upgrade the cave, Damus took the Raiders and 6.5. It appears he may have wagered beyond his means. RaiderDamus owes some money to some bad people. That's right, he made a bet with Robert DeNiro. It took a while to piece this together. All I could get out of the shell-shocked Sibyls was, "the little devil with the baseball bat!"
Luckily, my years of gangster film watching paid off. I knew they were talking about Joe Pesci. Desperate to find RaiderDamus, I tracked and followed Pesci, in hopes he would lead me to him. Let me just say, following Joe Pesci is not for the faint of soul or those weak in character. Apparently, I am the later.
With all hope lost, I partied with Pesci and DeNiro. Things are a little fuzzy at that point, but I do know I woke up in a field, naked, covered in blood and fur and I had a note beside my head.
Here is the note in its entirety:
RaiderDamus has been sequestered in his cave for many days now, grumbling about the Raiders' making him look bad and embarrassing themselves and their fanbase against the Niners. The future has been seen. Let's get to it.
Who knows who starts at QB? It doesn't really matter. If Robert Gallery plays, they will be alright. If he does not, they will struggle. DMC will probably not play, so whatever. Michael Bush is what he is. DHB and Murphy are above average and just scratching their potential. The defense is a total liability, as it has been for years.
It's hard to win in Denver. The Jets had a difficult time with it, and they are an elite team. The Raiders are far from elite. I see Orton with 350+ yds passing and 4 TDs, at least one to Eddie Royal. The Donks don't have much of a running game, but Maroney will probably plow into the end zone once. I expect to see Tim Tebow score as well.
This game will be a comedy of errors, a travesty and an outrage. Raiders will lose by at least two touchdowns. Donkeys 34, Raiders 16.
How did the Great One find me? Is he safe? Can he make his way back to the top? Will this burning sensation go away on its own? Can you even get that from animals? These are all questions that are now perculating in my mind.
What I do know is this: It is dark days my friend and fellow followers. Let's hope RaiderDamus has lost favor with the Gods for trying to profit on his visions and they are now feeding him false sights and for the love of Al, if Ray Liotta asks you...you know nothing! Oh, and let your predictions roll below.