Have Your Sooth Say

My friends and fellow loyal subjects, I have just returned from the den of the master. Raiderdamus's black magic is catching the eyes of some dangerous people. In order to keep the secrets safe and prevent the tampering of the sanctity of the messages, I traveled to get them first hand.

First, let me say it is quite a den/cave. Apparently, the Master has a harem of sibyls. His cave could easily be mistaken for activities other than fortune telling as, upon my arrival, scantily clad women were writhing hysterically and speaking in tongues. Confident that I had the wrong cave address, I asked if anyone knew where I could find Raiderdamus.

This was met with equal amounts of confusion (which is rare among a harem of seeresses), until they  figured out that our Raiderdamus must be their Oracle. What a world!

It has long been assumed that the cave of sibyls was a strictly female cave. It seems Raiderdamus, or The Oracle, is a Sibyl Pimp. And he would appear to be running a rather profitable fortune telling for hire "business."

Anyway, the motive for his "business" is pure. All of this extracurricular activity leaves him free to pursue the godly visions of Raider Games. And what glorious visions they are--it appears that the spirits are upset with that overbearing lightning chucker, Zeus, for he is going to meet a dark demise this week.

Check out the prediction. The vision of the game's outcome has shocked even Raiderdamus himself.

I am still waiting for signcut aka Raiderdamus's bottom bitch, to get his prediction in. Apparently he is lost on assignment.*Update Lil' Dam has returned from his "business" trip and...he brings with him bad news! It appears The Master and his assistant are at odds again.

I have been wrestling with the Raiders-Chargers game all week long. The charts and readings all say that the Raiders will win. How can this be? I ask myself. I do not understand it. I do not know how this will be, or how much I should trust what I see. But here it is.

Antonio Gates is the best tight end in football, and maybe one of the best of all time. Right now, he IS the Chargers offense. He caught two TDs last week in the Chargers' 41-10 drubbing of the Cardinals. He will catch at least one this week against us. 97 yds receiving, 1 TD for him is what I foretell. Anyone who took Witten or Clark over him in a fantasy draft is crying into their beer.

Philip Rivers is playing at a very high level right now.  He will dink and dunk his way down the field on us, but won't be able to go deep. His accuracy and mobility will be a problem for our linebackers. 274 yds passing, 2 TD.

San Diego's running game sucks balls, which is good news for the Raiders as our ability to stop the run is nearly non-existent. I can no longer attribute that to personnel, as we have had a lot of different guys in there with the same results for several years. It is clearly a scheme issue and will continue to be so until we mix it up more and branch out. I see 120 yards rushing collectively for Tolbert, Mathews, Sproles and whatever scrub they throw at us.

The Raiders offense is not bad this year. We are moving the ball with consistency and running the ball well. We were called for only 2 penalties all game against the Texans, which is a big step for us. Against the Chargers, I think things get pretty rough, and I see us called for at least 5. The Chargers defense is still without Merriman and their only star is Quentin Jammer. He will not be enough to stop the Raiders passing attack. I think McFadden plays and gets at least 15 carries, and I see Bush with around 8 carries. They go for a collective 160 yards and two TDs. Gradkowski throws for 230 yards and two more touchdowns, and maybe even runs for one.

My head says no way, this cannot be, the Raiders will lose 50-3. The Chargers are a much better team. But then I look at the Chargers' record; 2-2 with both losses on the road. This game is played in Oakland. When predicting the future, one cannot rely on one's logic. I have seen the future. Raiders win, 34-23.