I found myself digging into my wardrobe yesterday. Don't quite remember what it was for - probably for one of my old T-shirts. Anyway, I was going through my drawer with all my sports jerseys and I found it.
An old, hardly worn Raiders #2 jersey.
The jersey once worn by JaMarcus The Fat C***, as I like to call him. We all have our own names for the lump of lard from Mobile, Alabama who gave us three seasons of torment as he impersonated a quarterback for the Raiders. I don't need to revisit those times, nor do I want to since we finally seem to be turning a corner on the field.
However, I now have a new problem.
Now that I've remembered I have this...thing in my house, and that I paid for it, I feel it's only right I get rid of it in an appropriate manner. However, I can't figure out what an appropriate manner would be. Which is why I'm turning to you, Silver and Black Pride brothers and sisters. I have a few options, but just can't figure out which would be the best one.
Since it was Guy Fawkes Day here in Sydney last Friday, I still have some semi-legal fireworks left over that were procured after a lengthy trip into the bowels of hell. Naturally, I thought about strapping the jersey to a couple of skyrockets and shooting it into the air. I'm just not sure if it'll burn 100% there - I don't want it to fall on some innocent bystander's head later.
Then I remembered my neighbours' dogs. He's got two big, mean Staffordshire Terriers that will rip apart anything they consider edible. I figure that if I wrap up a couple of steaks in the jersey they'll take care of it. Only problem there is that he doesn't like me very much and he's about a foot taller than me and roided up like Shawne Merriman - I don't back down from a fight, but I don't really seek them out either.
I also have a dog of my own - a beagle pup I adopted from the RSPCA recently who isn't quite toilet trained yet. Considering the giant turd that once resided inside this jersey on game days, using it as doggy toilet paper makes a certain amount of poetic justice to me. Unfortunately the trade off here does mean that I might have less incentive to actually toilet train my puppy.
As you can see, I'm having a bit of a dilemma here, so I'm opening up the decision to you guys. What's the best way to rid this jersey from my life so that I can finally march forward as a Raider fan with no memory of the dark days? Help me out by voting on the poll.
What should I do with the JaMarcus jersey?
Launch it into space and hope it catches fire (31 votes)
Feed it to my neighbours' dogs (8 votes)
Clean up after my own dog with it (24 votes)
63 total votes