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Around SBN: SB Nation MMA Rankings for August 2010

Breaking News: JaMarcus Russell is Somewhere Doing Something


Reports of JaMarcus Russell’s off-season have far outweighed the factual information they are based on. Reports of various small concrete facts have trickled to speculation and hearsay.

Fact: Russell is in Arizona.

Reaction: What for?

Hearsay: He is there for some top-secret workouts. He is there to go to Suns games and flash his bling. He is there to get a lobotomy, liposuction and treat a lethargy addiction. He is there to find some really kick-ass Mexican food.

Fact: Willie Brown says Russell is working out and dieting.

Reaction: What?

Hearsay: This is just the company line. Russell is undergoing heavy duty dieting and training with Steve Nash. Willie Brown has developed a DMT addiction.

Fact: Russell is not at the voluntary workout.

Reaction: No! Really? I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.

Hearsay: I saw JaMarcus at a Dunkin’ Donuts. I saw JaMarcus at a club. I saw JaMarcus eating Dunkin’ Donuts at the club.

Fact: Russell is at the voluntary workout.

Reaction: Holy Shit! Let us see him! Why can’t we see? Damn you Al Davis and your need for secrecy. I want to stick my finger in Russell’s gut and see if my finger breaks or he giggles like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Hearsay: Russell was conscious during these workouts.

With all the chatter his actions have created it would be easy to forget he is not a sex addicted golfer.

Speaking of sex addictions…I’d like to talk about Ben Rothlisberger for a moment.

Star-divide

I have never heard the words, "gym" and "Rothlisberger" together in the same sentence. This is largely due to the fact that he chooses to drink and run game on woman at a bar instead of a gym. Also, it may be due to the fact that he is not big on working out. Authors note: For a Super Bowl winning quarterback running game consists of your posse pointing a finger and saying, "come to the VIP room."

I don’t want to get into the accusations levied against Rothlisberger, because I don’t know what happened and neither do you. I do feel comfortable saying that Rothlisberger may have a hard time saying no to a party. If he was as dedicated to football as Raider fans want Russell to be, he would not be facing these problems.

My point is not too condemn him for his actions. Hell, I enjoy watching him play and he has my grudging respect on the football field. Many great quarterbacks and athletes in general, have been cut from the same ilk.

Here are some classic examples with pictures:

Mickey Mantle said he was too drunk to remember his MVP, Triple Crown winning ’56 season.

Mickey-mantle-smoking_medium

"I only smoke when I drink. I smoke a lot." 

via www.proteinpower.com 

Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson brought cocaine in a nasal spray bottle onto the field during the Super Bowl. A fact he documented in his autobiography.

Nfl_a_henderson_195_medium

"Thanks to my sinus congestion, I just sacked the shit out of you." 

via a.espncdn.com 

Babe Ruth ate hot dogs and washed them down with beer during games.

Baberuthhotdog_medium

This is actually the unfinished hot dog at the end of a legendary binge that resulted in "The Bellyache Heard Round the World." At the time, people believed this killed The Bambino. Turns out it was probably gonorrhea, but hey--the guy drank a quart of bourbon whiskey mixed with ginger ale for breakfast. Ailments were lining up to take down The Babe.

Thanks to this site for that insight into the Bambino's training regimen.

Reports in The Jordan Rules and other places have said Michael Jordan often stayed up all night gambling, drinking and then went golfing the following mornings on game days.

Michael-jordan-425-111608_medium

"All right Sternie, if I make this shot then I don't have to take a year off to play minor league baseball."

via www.blogcdn.com

Jesus turned water into wine before dominating swim meets using his patented running technique.

Jc_on_water_medium

"What now? Too drunk to walk on water, ha! Suck it Bitches!"

Practice? Are you talking about practice?

I am guessing you all now what that link leads to.

The night before the Super Bowl, Barrett Robbins drank all night, made a trip to Mexico and…er um...enough of these stupid examples. You get my drift.

 I am sorry if my joke about the son of God was in poor taste, but I couldn’t resist. Next time I promise to leave Jordan out of it.

 Back to the man that got me thinking of athletes not questioned for their questionable work ethics, Big Ben.

Big-ben-likes-to-party_medium

"What is this word 'no?' I am sorry; I don't speak Spanish."

via cdn0.sbnation.com

 This picture is not dated, but rumors place it in the days leading up to his first Super Bowl appearance.

So, why does Rothlisberger escape the scrutiny of fans that Russell cannot? He wins.

Rothlisberger is not winning on the field because he excels at all the things people harp on Russell for.

He does not devote his life to turning his body into a temple of football prowess. His body type really isn’t that much different than Russell’s. He is also not winning because of his deep understanding of the offensive system. His best and most memorable plays often come as a result of some crazy ass, disaster-laden improvisation.

I think it is safe to concur, given these examples, that Russell is going to be great! Wait, that's not my point. My point is that the big difference between Rothlisberger and Russell is one skill. One that Rothlisberger posses and Russell does not and that is the skill of playing football. Either you can ball or you can’t.

Russell has opened himself up to criticism and at the same time given himself an excuse. His fellow QB draft mate, Brady Quinn, has not fallen under the same scrutiny of character. He has just slid quickly to the pile labeled "opposite of good."

Consequently, interest in Russell festers in the hope, that in the small chance he pulls his head out, he will then be a good quarterback. While I certainly hope Russell becomes a better quarterback, I am done caring until he does. Accuracy and instincts are skills that are no different than arm power and speed—it is hard to make significant gains in these areas.

So, even in light of new reports that he has revamped his throwing mechanics I say, "Great! Good for you. I hope you are trying Russell, because in the end, no matter what happens you have to live with yourself." I wish nothing but success for him.

He is a young man with a boatload of money. One who has had everything come easy for him. Given the same circumstances, my behavior would be closer to his than to Peyton Manning's. I am not going to cast judgment upon him as a person for getting off track. As a player, however, consider my judgment cast.

So, spare me the reports. I could care less what his life is like off the field. Until he proves to me on the field that he can play in this league, I am done caring what he does. I don't want to hear about the work ethic of second rate athletes. 

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This is the most classic post I've ever seen on this blog site......

I’ve been lurkin’ around here for a few years, but never felt the urge to join until a few days ago. And until tonight, never really felt the urge to post in one of the threads. I just couldn’t resist with you saying classic stuff like….

Fact: Russell is at the voluntary workout.

Reaction: Holy Shit! Let us see him! Why can’t we see? Damn you, Al Davis, and your need for secrecy. I want to stick my finger in Russell’s gut and see if my finger breaks or he giggles like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

This is actually was the unfinished hot dog at the end of a legendary binge that resulted in “The Bellyache Heard Round the World.” At the time people believed this killed The Bambino. Turns out it was probably gonorrhea, but hey the guy drank a quart of bourbon whiskey mixed with ginger ale for breakfast. Ailments were lining up to take down The Babe.

And the K.O. line of the day……

I am sorry if my joke about the son of God was in poor taste, but I couldn’t resist. Next time I promise to leave Jordan out of it.

I literally laughed my ass off reading all of this man. And the parallel between Big Ben and JaCarcass isn’t as farfetched as one would think, however, Ben has the drive, and the heart to succeed. JR just doesn’t get it…… and never will…..

Kudos to you tho man….

Oh, and not only am I 1st in this thread, this is my 1st post ever…….

So, booyah!

by Raider Zealot on Mar 17, 2010 3:37 AM PDT reply actions  

Very amusing!

I wouldn’t be suprised if Pac turned out to be the incredible hulk in a very good disguise. - Sigidy

by Drunken cutman on Mar 17, 2010 3:58 AM PDT reply actions  

Love it you're a great writer noontide thank you for another very entertaining read.

I agree, if I was given what JaMarcus has I’d probably be dead! haha

Any chance of a ‘day in the life of Tom Cable’ part 3? i would think JaMarcus’ return to Alameda and his team mates would have been pretty interesting :)

"Mel Kiper has his opinion and I respect it. But what does it mean? My 9-year-old nephew can watch film and make an opinion. I think I value the opinion of scouts who get paid to make their opinions. It will carry me through my career. It will serve as motivation for me." - Mike Mitchell

"I'll be the guy on top of the Quarterback" - Richard Seymour

Here they come baby, Just win baby, Feel the storm of the cold autum wind baby
Its the Oakland Raiders, Get your mouthpiece
You in the black hole, With the black beast! - Ice Cube 'Raider Nation'

by Ozraider on Mar 17, 2010 3:59 AM PDT reply actions  

Thanks Oz!

I am sure at some point, as his issues build, we will have to check in with the Cable Guy.

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

by noontide on Mar 17, 2010 10:54 AM PDT up reply actions  

The last thing we need is Cable Guy

on a sugar crash backed w/ ’roid rage! Somewhere, Randy Hanson is hiding in a closet!

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

by noontide on Mar 17, 2010 11:00 AM PDT up reply actions  

i can just see it now in 10 years

after JaMarcus and Cable win multiple superbowls together they open a chain of donut stores called ‘2 fat men and plenty of rings’ :)

"Mel Kiper has his opinion and I respect it. But what does it mean? My 9-year-old nephew can watch film and make an opinion. I think I value the opinion of scouts who get paid to make their opinions. It will carry me through my career. It will serve as motivation for me." - Mike Mitchell

"I'll be the guy on top of the Quarterback" - Richard Seymour

Here they come baby, Just win baby, Feel the storm of the cold autum wind baby
Its the Oakland Raiders, Get your mouthpiece
You in the black hole, With the black beast! - Ice Cube 'Raider Nation'

by Ozraider on Mar 18, 2010 4:28 AM PDT up reply actions  

LOL@ "THE OPPOSITE OF GOOD"

Yeah u know your right when u say, u can balll or u cant, also when u say if he gets it right good till he does im done caring…and now i just wish i could be done hearing it.

I even cum Black & Silver...

by Tramp "Raider Roxxxtar" on Mar 17, 2010 4:18 AM PDT via mobile reply actions  

That picture truly speaks a thousand words. I can fire off a thousand no problem.

"If your only ambition in life, is to be a better person; well, that's just the best ambition you can have..." Wayne "Rabbit" Bartholomew

by brhynno on Mar 17, 2010 11:54 AM PDT up reply actions  

ROFL

Pillsbury dough boy lol, also why are all the links bright blue now? Or is it just me?

We all love the Warriors..
We all hate Cohan as an owner of this franchise…

by dubzfan on Mar 17, 2010 8:45 AM PDT reply actions  

At least you got blue.

Mine were purple, but now they are brown-ish

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

by noontide on Mar 17, 2010 10:56 AM PDT up reply actions  

witty and thought-provoking!

I totally agree that Rothlisberg’s “best and most memorable plays often come as a result of some crazy ass, disaster-laden improvisation.” I’d say the same crazy-ass, disaster-laden improvisation is at play in his party interactions – it’s in him, one of those “intangibles.” So his off-field behavior does count, provided it is not misjudged for the sake of tabloid production.

In comparison, JR is a mellow pushover on the field and off, a mama boy. I know I’m preaching to the choir, but Al Davis has absolutely no clue when it comes to evaluating intangibles. “You don’t adjust, you dominate.” Yeah, but to assume that every player you draft automatically comes with the innate drive to dominate is senile.

Al should take to heart Jack Welch’s mantra: “Willingness to change is a strength, even if it means plunging part of the company into total confusion for a while.” Do I dare to hope? The Raiders have been in total confusion lately…

by Spirals galore on Mar 17, 2010 8:49 AM PDT reply actions  

Actually I liked Rothlisberger at Miami-Ohio & thought we should have drafted him

the year we got who knows like it really made an impact in the team. The difference between he & JR is first he is in a consistent environment with roughly the same system & coaches year in & year out. Second, when he was drafted the team surrounding him had few flaws & just needed a QB to become a solid contender. Third, & also because of the team around him he was never required to do much to help win games when the team is winning with one of the best running games & perrenially great defenses. What’s crazy is the fact is Ben still has 2 rings with what seems to be a lack of focus & he also seems like a sleaze-ball. So because of the reasons mentioned he can slack off somewhat because of his environment. Whereas Russell needs to bust his ass ala Drew Brees or Peyton constantly working on his craft & studying tape. This is the difference between the two & the reason there is no comparison. Until he shows he has changed through preparation he will always be hated by The Nation.

by TAW on Mar 17, 2010 9:32 AM PDT reply actions  

whats he eating?

is he eating and throwing tofu burgers?

by sports with steve on Mar 17, 2010 11:49 AM PDT reply actions  

You roped the grand slam out of the park, with this one, noontide!

1 run scored, on somehow making it about Jamarcus, and not about him at the same time. Another in the appropriate jabs at Roethlisberger for being the douche he has been, but pointing out it’s moot if he’s winning—and honorable mention to the body comparison to Jamarcus and this: I

think it is safe to concur, given these examples, that Russell is going to be great! Wait, that’s not my point.
too funny!

3rd run on admitting you’d be less like Manning and more like Russell, “given the circmstances;” I have to admit that myself…

And the cleanup rope driving ’em all in: the photos (classic!), your witty captions, and its ability to take our minds off the non-football story that is Jamarcus Russell, as he pertains to the football game, anyways. Stick a fork in him!

"If your only ambition in life, is to be a better person; well, that's just the best ambition you can have..." Wayne "Rabbit" Bartholomew

by brhynno on Mar 17, 2010 11:50 AM PDT reply actions  

Another point of view:

imagine the team now, as it is, with the problem that is Jamarcus, and the supposed upside some dreamers think will still manifest itself.

Imagine now, the team without him. It’s a better team, without question. End of story.

"If your only ambition in life, is to be a better person; well, that's just the best ambition you can have..." Wayne "Rabbit" Bartholomew

by brhynno on Mar 17, 2010 11:53 AM PDT reply actions  

Ive always loved reading your posts!

They had me laughing my ass off for for daaays! This is yet another that has made my day!
 
I love the line under big bens photo

“What is this word ‘no?’ I am sorry; I don’t speak Spanish.”

LOL

In Bruce We Trust

by Remix. on Mar 17, 2010 12:53 PM PDT reply actions  

The best post for the off-season yet!!

This is “GREAT”! I’m surpised ESPN hasn’t contacted you yet. (NOT)
Keep up the great work!

by palika01 on Mar 17, 2010 3:12 PM PDT reply actions  

Heee....

I liked the bambino dog…

;=8)

Big McLargehuge!
:=8O

by The MooCow on Mar 18, 2010 7:53 AM PDT reply actions  

pass the bagels /cream cheese

i think the suv made him look smaller but lets see what he looks like outside the suv and on the field. his comments were not encouraging at all!

by sports with steve on Mar 18, 2010 9:39 AM PDT reply actions  

PULITZER!

Do whatever you want with the girl, but leave ME alone!!!!!--G CARLIN

by mofackey on Mar 18, 2010 11:09 PM PDT reply actions  

haha

wow that was so funny i was laughing the whole time

http://www.points2shop.com/?ref=0phantom0

check it out

by 0phantom0 on Mar 19, 2010 2:44 PM PDT reply actions  

hilarious

"My job description is to win football games. I'm a hard worker. I'm not flashy by any means, but my job is to play football and win and I plan to do that." Kyle Orton

by odarol on Mar 19, 2010 9:33 PM PDT reply actions  

Lifelong Arizona Cardinals/Chicago Bears fan.

I can't stand fair-weather/bandwagon fans, stick with your team, throughout the good and the bad.

by JoeCB1991 on Mar 26, 2010 9:27 PM PDT reply actions  

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