So Who Did We Trade For Carson Palmer, Anyway?


If you, like me, attempt to digest every piece of opinion and analysis written or spoken about the Raiders - even if it is written or spoken by a moron, and if only to disagree or laugh at it (and if you are reading an article written by "lchristmas," you obviously do) then you have seen or heard many unsupported and undetailed statements such as...

1.  "you just can't trade away 1st round picks in today's NFL... they are too valuable"  (this will sometimes be accompanied by an attempt to bolster credibility and sound smart by vaguely referring to the "new CBA") or

2.  "this is really going to hamstring them for years, they are all in right now with Carson Palmer, this is a desperation move..." or my favorite

3.  "if they don't get to the Super Bowl in the next 2 years, this trade is a failure..."

#3 is pure bullshit, speaking from a fan's perspective.  The ultimate goal is obviously to win a Super Bowl.  But is it an organizational failure NOT to win a Super Bowl?  Hell no.  Winning a Super Bowl is fucking difficult.  31 teams fail every year by that standard.  Have the people saying this been watching the Raiders for the last 8 years?  Have they been watching the Detroit Lions for the last forever years?  You think the Lions are a failure if they go to the playoffs at 11-5 this year and lose in the first round?  I think not.  Some of you will disagree with me.  I say to you - what I want out of my team is, more often than not, to beat their opponents on Sundays.  I want to see consistently winning football while I hammer down beers all day and yell at a) my TV or b) the douchey Charger fan who had the nerve to show up at my stadium.

Going 10-6 this year and making the playoffs won't be a failure in my eyes.  Not the point of this post, however.

#2 pretty much depends on your opinion on #3, and on what we really gave up in #1.  If we didn't "give up"  that great a player, how have we hamstrung our team? 

So just who are these late first round picks we traded away?  Lets take a look at the 2010 draft to see exactly who these gold star, can't miss, irreplaceable pieces might end up being:

I'll assume that our first rounder won't be before the 20th pick.  If we're picking 19th or sooner, this laptop will have been thrown in that swampy river thing next to the South parking lot and nobody will care about this post anyway, because we've missed the playoffs and probably ended the year with Tee Martin throwing to Tim Dwight.  But I digress. 

Who do you get in the late first round?  2010 style***:

*** my analysis comes from a mix of a variety of unverified websites, hazy memories, snap judgments, and shit I made up.  so don't quibble with the details here, because you're probably right and I don't care.

20.  HOU Kareem Jackson, CB, Alabama.  Start typing "Kareem Jackson" into Google and "Kareem Jackson bust" is the second suggestion that pops up.  True story.  I just did it.  Try it.

21    CIN Jermaine Gresham, TE, Ok St.   Pretty good player this far in his career.  Looks to be playing a Zach Miller lite role with 77 catches in 21 games so far in his career, averaging only 9.1 yards per catch.

22.  DEN Demaryius Thomas, WR, Ga Tech.  Was quoted this week openly speculating that he might be cut.  Probably a worse player than Renaldo Nehemiah.  And Renaldo must be pushing 50.  Next.

23.  GB Bryan Bulaga, T, IA.  Good so far.  Started as a rookie in the Super Bowl.  Already has started getting hurt.  An injury prone tackle from Iowa?  Nothing could go wrong there.  If Pete Carroll still has a job in 6 years maybe he can cash in big time.

24.  DAL Dez Bryant WR Ok St.  Deion Sanders thinks he's the greatest.  Despite being a complete prima donna jackass, cannot get in good enough shape to play an entire game.  Wouldn't let him deliver a pizza to my locker room.

25. DEN Your Lord And Personal Savior, QB UF by way of saving babies' souls in the Philippines or whatever.  There was talk of him losing PT to BQ.  Enough said.  Greatest accomplishment thus far is having a ceremony scheduled in the visiting stadium this week.  That's pretty cool, actually (and a ridiculous affront to Dolphins fans) but he might not ever be an NFL quarterback.  Not what I'm looking to trade up for.

26. AZ Dan Williams,  DT Ten.  Since he plays for AZ I'm going to assume he sucks and I don't care enough to look it up.  I'm probably right.

27. NE Devin McCourty, CB Rutgers.  Pro Bowler.  No telling whether he's really good or whether the videotaped cheating accounts for his success.  I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for the purposes of this analysis.

28. MIA Jared Odrick DT Penn State. Broke his foot and missed most of his rookie year.  Currently sucking for Luck.  His picture looks like he might be at least part white.  I'm not sure that I'd worry too much about losing this guy for Carson Palmer.

29. NYJ Kyle Wilson CB Boise St.  Seems to have disappointed somewhat in his first year.  Supposedly "turning it around" this year.  He doesn't start over semi-retarded punchline Antonio Cromartie, and Rex tried to throw one billion dollars at CB Eagles over the offseason, so color me skeptical.  Seems like the type of guy you could get in a later round.  Seems like DVD or Chimdi Chekwa.

30. DET Jahvid Best, RB Cal/Richmond.  Will probably still be scoring hella touchdowns years from now in Madden 2011 for lazy stoners who can't afford an upgrade.  In real life, career may be in question due to serious concussion history (known when he was drafted.  A shame, too.  I hope he comes back (if it doesn't result in severe brain damage or death, of course)

31. IND Jerry Hughes, DE TCU.  Many people thought this was a reach and a horrible pick by the genius Colts organization.  Those people were right.  Often a healthy scratch on game day for the hapless Colts, no team met the asking trade price of a bag of used kicking tees for this undersized, impactless pass rusher.

32. NO Patrick Robinson, CB FSU.  Looks to be developing into a solid starter, according to my cliche generator.  You can't really count on getting a solid starter with the 32nd pick WHICH IS THE FUCKING POINT I HAVE BEEN LONG WINDEDLY TRYING TO GET TO so it looks like the saints did pretty good here.

Houston Texans Jackson, KareemKareem Jackson CB Alabama

(On popular demand from my nagging conscience, I tried to find information on Dan Williams.  I found a bunch of stories about how fat he is and how he needs to lose weight so he can "remain in the rotation."  I found no stories about whether he was successful.  Seems like my guess was right.  Maybe all the Cardinal fans still reading can chime in)

(Jared Odrick had one tackle last year.  I do want to apologize to him for implying he was white.  Survey says - Bust-o-rama)

Well, WTF am I trying to say? 

Out of these 13 players it looks like you have one home run (McCourty) four solid starters (Gresham, Bulaga, Bryant (I'll assume he plays his way into shape and grows up, but as a 'boy hater I hope I'm wrong) and Robinson), two HUGE question marks (for whatever reason - Tebow and Best) one ok player (Wilson) three HUGE busts (Jackson, Thomas, Hughes) and two more potential-to-likely busts (Williams and Odrick). 

Possibly a less than 50% success rate.  These are the picks that you JUST CAN'T GIVE AWAY OR YOUR TEAM WILL BE RUINED FOREVER?

Horseshit, I say.  We'll never know who we would have taken with these picks.  The Palmer trade will be judged on how Palmer plays.  And we have drafted better players than almost everyone on this list 2 to three rounds later.  The draft is overblown.  Its a crap shoot.

Now lets murder the Chiefs.


Houston Texans Jackson, KareemKareem Jackson CB Alabama
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