RaiderDamus Sees The Future- Week 5: Raiders vs. Texans


RaiderDamus here for another fun round of everybody's favorite game show, "RaiderDamus Predicts The Raider Game"! This week has the Raiders taking on a very tough AFC South squad in the Houston Texans. They are going to win the division because Tennessee's season is a mirage, but will they beat the Raiders on Sunday?

 

Simply put, no. Andre Johnson is out, which means the Texans' normal game plan of "throw the ball within 10 yards of Andre Johnson and see what happens" will not apply. Arian Foster is great and he will have a big day, but the Raiders will not allow the Big Play that seals the deal. Oakland's defense will bend and allow points, but never break to the point where the Texans have the advantage in the game.

You may say, "But RaiderDamus! Whine, whine, moan! The Texans beat the Raiders last time without Andre Johnson!" (I want to point out here, this is the same sort of whining that was heard when I predicted the Raiders would lose to the Patriots, and who was right? Me, that's who.) Yes, you silly goon, but that was a different Raider team. That was a team with no heart who would quit when the chips were down. Did we quit last week when the Patriots were killing us? No! Did we quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No! And we won't quit on Sunday. It will be a glorious day of Raider football. We will run the ball. We will pass the ball. We will tackle, block, and return kicks. We will do all the aformentioned things better than the Texans. Sebastian Janikowski will kick exactly one field goal of more than 50 yards, and it will have been good from 65.

The Raiders should have learned a lot from that Patriots game. First, always put three defenders on Wes Welker. Tom Brady has run out of ideas, and his best one is "throw to Wes Welker" and damned if it doesn't usually work. The Texans have exactly zero receivers playing on Sunday who are remotely as great as Wes Welker. We may only have to double cover Jacoby Jones or Kevin Walter or whatever popcorn salesman they pull from the stands and suit up in a jersey between #80 and #89. Matt Schaub will be stymied, he will be frustrated, he will be sacked, and he may cry at one point. That's unclear. I see liquid in his vicinity, but I can't tell if he's bleeding or crying or if he's just pissed himself.

Raiders win, 38-24.

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