Ahoy, Raider fans! It is I, RaiderDamus, the purveyor of presience, the foremost amongst foreknowers, the sage of shot-calling, the rajah of revelation, and the World's Freshest Man. Please, step into my
cave office. I have beheld the future, and seen what may be and what must be. The future is a fickle thing and prone to changing her mind, but I have gathered enough information that I can safely share with you this small thing- the future of our beloved Raiders. Read on, if you wish to know what shall come.
Last week, it appears the fates smiled only on a certain Mr. Marshall Faulk, as he was the only person to accurately predict the Raiders' dominating victory over a hapless Charger team. This is all well and good, because he also (along with the entire rest of the NFL Network crew) predicted the Jets would win against the Broncos, proving that he is in fact human just as I am and is a mere servant of the unknowable tides of fate and destiny. But this is not the time to dwell on the past, it is rather time to look ahead to the future, to the Raiders' visit to Minnesota to take on their (for now) local team, the Vikings.
The Vikings are AWFUL. This isn't like a Chiefs type of awful where they have young talent on defense and a decent quarterback, or a Denver awful where, hey, Tim Tebow is suddenly Tommie Frazier circa 1995 and their defense has morphed into the 2000 Baltimore Ravens. No, this is a special kind of awful reserved solely for the 2007 Detroit Lions and the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This is the sort of awful wherein the team has some good players, but even their greatness cannot transcend the overall pungent stench of defeatism from the oeuvre of the franchise. If you don't know what oeuvre means, Mr. Google does and he will be more than happy to enlighten you.
The Vikings have Adrian Peterson, Jared Allen, Percy Harvin, and (insert scrub here). They have had so little success with their secondary, they were starting Saddam Hussein Abdullah the Butcher at free safety until his recent concussion troubles. I am aware, dear reader, that that is not actually the man's name, but it is funnier than his actual name so let us all pretend it is so. In my fantasy world I wish to see a young Abdullah the Butcher in his prime playing cornerback, with bells on the end of his curled shoes, attacking opposing wide receivers with a fork as if they were Terry Funk. Let us all contemplate this momentarily.
Done? Okay, moving on. My point is, no matter what Adrian Peterson does, the Vikings defense is so atrocious outside of Jared Allen and Kevin Williams that Carson Palmer should be able to pick them apart with relative ease. I say "should" because we all know when you tell the Raiders they should be able to do something easily, they make a mess of it; but when you tell them they can't do something they will do it just to show you they can. Maybe Warren Sapp was right when he said the Raiders can't handle success. I tend to believe him, because you know who played for the Raiders? Warren Sapp. Do you know who didn't play for the Raiders? You.
Unless Travis Goethel is reading this, in which case, hey Travis.
But let's assume for a second that Carson Palmer and his really good receiving corps has success against what may be the worst secondary in the league- it's really not a stretch to think that. The Raiders will run just enough to keep the defense from dropping seven men into coverage. I would be surprised if the Raiders ran more than they passed, but if that happens I will be pleased, because it means the running game is working. If the running game is working, it means the Raiders are winning. By a lot.
And they will win. By a lot. Raiders win, 34-17.