NFL Lockout: What the Owners Tried to Sneak Past the Players

The NFL lockout is so close to ending—yet so far away. As you may or may not have heard, the owners approved via a 31-0 vote, with the Raiders abstaining, a new CBA. The CBA was then sent to the players for a vote. The players did not vote and their have been numerous reports that the owners tried to slip in some "changes." Heath Evans tweeted:

"Here is what the ‘Real’ fans need to know: The owners tried to slip many things in to the CBA “they” voted on that were NEVER agreed to."

Well, I am pleased and disturbed to say that Silver and Black Pride has an exclusive look at what the owners tried to sneak in. Jump over for the insider info....

 

*Note: This is pure educated speculation and should not be regarded as fact:

Nondescript Owner 1: My fellow elite and privileged white men brethren.

Amy Trask: [Loudly grumbles]

Nondescript Owner 1: And Hot Lips Trasky.

What I have here is the deal that will be the end of the lockout. DeMaurice is certain the players will go for this.

Nondescript Owner 2: I can't believe we actually got them to agree to take less money than their last deal. This is amazing!

Nondescript Owner 1: Alright, let's just vote on this. Then we'll send it to the players, and we should be ready to start raking in cash again.

All we need now are some faintly noticeable last second amendments to screw over the players. I'll open the floor to suggestions. 

Nondescript Owner 2: 10 percent of the players salary should go to charity. Namely the charity devoted to assisting the bank accounts of America's job creators.

Nondescript Owner 3: All signing bonuses are subject to 50 percent payback contingent upon the signing bonuses being distributed.

Nondescript Owner 4: All monetary rewards gained through endorsements by players shall be subjected to a creation of value tax by the league. The tax shall not exceed 100 percent and shall be administered before the players have paid taxes on said monetary rewards.

Nondescript Owner 5: All players should give their owners a puppy!

A Gaggle of Nondescript Owners: Who let this idiot in here.

Amy Trask: All of this is wrong, in bad faith, and jeopardizes the progress we've made!

Nondescript Owner 1: Chill out, honey. Leave this to the men. Most of these players can't even read. [Amy Trask leaves the room] Alright, all in favor?

All Remaining Owners: Aye!

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