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Neon Deion Sanders & Elvis "Toast" Patterson’s Cover blown again…by Al Davis & Big Tuna Bill Parcells…Rumor Spread on Toast! By Nnamdi Asomugha?

Neon Deion Sanders & Elvis “Toast” Patterson’s Cover blown again…by Al Davis & Big Tuna Bill Parcells…Rumor Spread on Toast!  By Nnamdi Asomugha?

 

TODAY’S SPECIAL:  Tuna on Toast with a slice of football history and a grain of salt

 

Start Spreading the news! Football Vagabonds make a brand new start of it--away from New York!

 

 

To a Raider Nation grieving the loss of Nnamdi Asomugha:  don’t mourn—strategize.  There is already a logical but innovative solution in the works—one that is deeply rooted in Al Davis and Raider tradition.  Al & the Raiders have always dug deep to find hidden gems, ignoring hype, media spin, and reputation.   The greatest Raider types often are other teams’ rejects or renegades. No other team has resurrected so many football careers.

 

Recall back to 2004 when the Raiders deemed 2nd year CB Nnamdi not ready for prime time, and 7 years before Deion Sanders’ impending Hall of Fame enshrinement, Deion wanted to come out of retirement to play for the Raiders.  Arch nemesis Marty Schottenheimer, who held rights to Deion, blocked his signing with Oakland (and traded his rights to the Ravens).  

 

Long before Nnamdi redefined the modern concept of the “Shutdown Corner”, Deion had redefined the then-trendy concept of the “Cover Corner” by a commitment to shying away from contact, limiting his Cornerback duties strictly to pass Coverage.   In the rush to deify Deion, people forget the legend whose spectacular play defined the concept of the “Cover Corner” in the first place:  Elvis “Toast” Patterson.  Whenever “Toast” was playing Cornerback, the opposing team was a lock to Cover the Spread [Now that’s a “Cover Corner” for real – Editor].  

 

Truth is, Patterson built the pedestal that Deion perched on. If Deion had any decency, he would have Patterson presenting at his Hall of Fame induction.   [When has Deion had any decency?  And Neon Deion didn’t perch on Patterson’s pedestal--that pretty boy struck a pose and stole a Prime Time Showcase- Ed.]   But Deion is jealous because Elvis “Toast” Patterson is still the CB most NFL  CB  prospects are compared to [Thankfully, most of these Elvis impersonators disappear before the regular season starts-Ed.].  What really burns Neon Deion is that Patterson was featured in more NFL highlight films [Confirmed by ESPN and Chris Berman – Ed.].

 

Let Deion rest in Canton. If Deion could sell his comeback in 2004 based on being “well rested” 3 ½ years after his original retirement in 2000, then why not a comeback for Patterson, who is much better rested than Deion was.  And while Deion did nothing but run his mouth as an announcer for those 3 ½ years, Patterson has been coaching and running football camps for high school players and can still beat them in sprints --check him out on You Tube.  What an ideal rest break from which to re-launch his NFL career! 

 

Plus, Elvis “Toast” Patterson has experience resurrecting his career.  The “Toast” was reincarnated as the “Ghost” as a special teams demon for the LA Raiders before his retirement.   According to legend, NY Giants Coach/ Big Tuna Bill Parcells nicknamed Elvis “Toast” for his Coverage skills, then later cut him unceremoniously after a hangover-impaired Monday Night Football performance highlighted by WR Willie Gault burning “Toast” badly before “Toast” left the game complaining of leg cramps.  Tuna claimed that Patterson had hit the bars pretty hard during a Sunday night on the Town.  Patterson claims that Tuna could have traded him but was trying to blackball him from the NFL.   But, in his first comeback, Elvis “Toast” Patterson returned only a few months later, carrying the torch to the West Coast, where he resurfaced as a replacement player for the Chargers during the 1987 players’ strike [Precursor to the recent lockout – Ed.].  For the next 3 years, Elvis sightings in a Chargers uniform were reported. 

 

Then in 1990, Elvis reappeared as a Raider, where the “Ghost” of “Toast” was seen “materializing out of nowhere making big plays on special teams”, instantly changing Elvis’ image to the “Ghost”.  Elvis said he was thrilled to be reincarnated as the “Ghost” while insisting that he had loved being the “Toast” when he played for Tuna in New York.  Patterson claims that Tuna called him “Toast” because he was such a great CB that he was becoming the Toast of the Town/ Big Apple/ East Coast before Tuna canned him. [“Toast” spreads it on pretty thick.  He’s about as good at covering his butt with his mouth as he was at covering receivers – his play was too unforgettable.  Bookies and New York Bagel houses were the real losers, with no Lox to Cover the Spread after “Toast” left Town - Ed.] 

 

As a Raider, the revived Elvis allegedly proclaimed he was such a dominant “impact” special teams star that “teams are devising schemes to stop me just like they do to stop Lawrence Taylor or Howie Long” [with a mouth like this, can Patterson really be the anti-Deion?- Ed.]  Elvis highlights included two 100+ yard punt returns nullified by the Refs--both times he faked downing a punt, walked away, then grabbed the ball and ran, fooling even the Refs. The Refs also missed a hold on Elvis that kept him from blocking a punt [Those Zebras can imagine a tuck but can’t see a “Ghost”, nor tell a live Elvis from a live ball-Ed.].  But keenly aware Howie Long said “Ghost” was the best special teams player he had ever “seen”.  Patterson was named Raiders special teams captain for 3 years--except for the 13 days he was suspended for bench pressing and body slamming DB coach Jack Stanton. 

 

Nnamdi was a “Shutdown Corner” who could Lock Down/ Clamp Down the opponent’s best receiver; but Elvis “Toast” Patterson is the definitive “Slam Down Corner” AND the definitive “Cover Corner” [Elvis is Def- Ed.] Forget that contact shy pretty boy Deion, Patterson is a true Press Corner, a real Raider type. [He was even arrested recently – Ed.]  Neon Deion is blinged-out glitterati; Patterson, with 2 Super Bowl rings, keeps it real.

 

Raiders’ old-school was Al Davis signing Jimmy Warren (the old AFL’s equivalent of Elvis “Toast” Patterson) out of retirement in late season during the 1970s.  Now it’s time to look to a Raider’s O.G.  Elvis “Toast” Patterson is the special teams banging, trash talking, coach pressing, body slamming, Raiders-style Bump Corner perfect for the hip hop generation in Oaktown.  

 

Al:  Update the tradition.  Pass the torch.  Butter up the “Toast”.

 

[Editor:  Good idea.  Elvis “Toast” Patterson deserves a chance to improve on his ranking as the 33rd worst NFL player ever (SI/ Jeff Pearlman’s Bottom 100:  The Worst Players in NFL History).  Download  “Toast 4.0” for an upgrade – Ed.]

 

P.S. No wonder Prime Time was so upset at his #34 ranking on the list of Top 100 NFL players. But fair is fair. In his 14 year NFL career, Deion picked off passes less often than Patterson was picked on in only 10 NFL seasons.

 

Author Jim Vivian was the notorious curator of the Raider’s All-Time All-Mean Team before he fell into the Black Hole.

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