Mild Complaints and Important People

As a devout Raider extremist (calling myself a fan seems a bit denigrating) I am constantly reminded of the fact that we have been down for so long a generation has been born that has never seen the greatness of the Raiders on display. I read a comment on another post that said, in effect, that we might be contending late in the season for the playoffs.

Contending for the playoffs? This is what the Great Raider Nation has dissolved into? Blasphemy!

The idea behind the statement as I interpreted it, during a time when optimism runs higher than Cheech and Chong could ever get you, made this cradle-to grave Raider extremist die a little inside. I'm half tempted to start a Raider fan rescue shelter. It's not that I don't get the concept of baby steps, I do. But I want an Oompa-Loompa NOW!! Er, I mean, I want a Lombardi trophy NOW!! And it is possible to do it this year. But it all hinges on a few things, things like soylent green, and soylent green is people. These soylent green/people are the unquestionable keys to how good we will be.

Rolando McClain

Yeah, that guy. The grinning fool is our biggest key defensively to going anywhere past the football equivalent of the Mendoza line. Al Davis' last 1st round pick. That guy. I'm automatically assuming he misses the 1st 4 games either due to sitting in jail or Herr Goodell suspending him. Travis Goethel may be a better player, but he can't even get off the injured list, let alone the bench. This is the all-important 3rd year, and I tend not to judge players until their 3rd year. Except Jamarcus. He was crap before then. But I digress. Ro has to be better this year, and I believe he will be. Some will say cut bait and run while we still can. Screw that. This has been his most trying offseason, and people need hard times and oppression to build psychic muscles. I am assuming that is happening. From what I've read about his appearance at training camp, he seemed unaffected and was giving Miles Burris advice. I hope the advice was "stay away from Alabama (official state slogan: Florida's Trailer Park)." As for being unaffected, let's just hope he didn't find the sizzurp stash.

Shawntae Spencer/Ron Bartell

These guys have a monumental task, almost Sisyphean in scale, in replacing Stanford Routt and Chris Johnson. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! Couldn't do that with a straight face now, could I? They should be up to the task, given that their predecessors couldn't cover a slice of toast if you gave them a bucket of butter and two spatulas. Bartell has the neck thing, so that's where my concerns lie with him. Spencer just has to be good enough to where i don't have to get mad at him for screwing things up.

Carson Palmer

I will forever wonder if the guy who told him he had been traded to the Raiders used the question "Were you just taking a sh*t?" during the phone call. But he has to be better than last season. So I will just assume that should be the case. My biggest requirement is that I feel he didn't own the locker room at all. This is actually a job requirement of being a starting quarterback in the NFL. That, and some acting ability. We haven't had a QB own the huddle since Gannon, it's about damn time we did.

Wide Receiver not going by their initials

DHB will have a monster year. Book it. What's been the one beef with him? He isn't a deep ball threat. Well, sir, who have we had at QB who could actually throw the ball deep? The only one who had a rocket arm was JR, and was the inspiration for my drinking game, Hands or Stands? Cause it was going to one of the two places, and if you didn't want to get lit, bet Stands. So I'm not worried about Hyphen-Nation. I'm worried about (insert WR here) cause I have no idea if (name) can stay healthy for 16 games, let alone 19. I don't think it's too much to ask. There's plenty of TD passes to be had.

Darren McFadden

I cannot deny his talent. I cannot deny his skill. If he could play a full season I honestly believe he would be the best RB in football. And this is why I am so effing frustrated with him. The injuries keep happening, and I know they happen in football, but this is getting to the point of ridiculousness. I want to believe that this is the year he will finally set the world on fire but I've believed that before. There is only so much I can deal with. As McClain is the most vital defensive key to our inevitable domination, McFadden is the most vital key to the offense. If he falls, so does any illusion about trophies, playoffs, or even a winning season.

If the Raiders truly believe in a Commitment to Excellence then those mentioned above must make a Commitment to Excellence. And I demand it. We deserve it. And all the sheltered Raider fans can finally find a home in a loud and visceral experience, a Black Hole, an Autumn Wind known as the Greatness of the Oakland Raiders.
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