OAKLAND, CA - SEPTEMBER 10: Carson Palmer #3 of the Oakland Raiders throws a pass in the fourth quarter of the season opener against the San Diego Chargers at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on September 10, 2012 in Oakland, California. The Chargers won the game 22-14. (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)
Greetings, fellow Raider fans! It is I, RaiderDamus, back to give you tidings of what shall take place between the Raiders and Dolphins this Sunday. The Great Beyond has shown me many things, and I shall reveal them to you after the jump.
Obviously, RaiderDamus was incorrect regarding the outcome of last Monday's game vs. the Chargers. I have been in a foul mood over this occurence, and have cursed and shook my fist threateningly at the aether on several occasions. However, upon consulting the fates this week I discovered there was a crack in my future-seeing mechanism, causing an ill pallor to fall over my visions. No matter. I have given the crack to Lawrence Taylor, who has smoked it all. I am ready to go forward with clear sight.
On to the Dolphins game! Now we know that the Dolphins have been bad for years, as their last good quarterback was a certain Jay Fiedler. RaiderDamus was knee-high to MamaDamus back in those days. It's been a long time since the Dolphins had anyone of consequence at the QB position, but that hasn't stopped them from owning the Raiders in that time span. The reason for this is simple. The Raiders HATE going to play football games on the East Coast. They lose almost every time. The last time they actually won a game back East was the 2009 Steeler game where Bruce Gradkowski played reasonably well in front of his home fans.
That being said, these Dolphins are a special kind of bad. I mean short bus special, but comparing them to the Dolphins is an insult to the brave citizens who ride said bus. Ryan Tannehill might be something someday, but today's not that day. Tannehill needs a strong running game to take the pressure off him. Sorry, Ryan, you're playing the Raiders this week, the ones who allowed 32 yards rushing in Week 1. Reggie Bush will be lucky to make it out of this game with his sternum still attached. The Dolphins' strength last year was Matt Moore and the defense. Whoops! They're starting Ryan Tannehill and gave up 30 points to the Texans in short order, So much for that. They traded their best cornerback in Vontae Davis to the Colts for three magic beans. The good news is the first 500 fans into Sun Life/LandShark/Joe Robbie/Pro Set/Not The Marlins/Marino Field will get a free golden egg.
The Raiders are a vastly superior team in every way to Miami. The only way they lose this game is with bad luck, stupid mistakes, or other various misfortunes. However, that was the only way they would lose to San Diego as well, and that worked out pretty much like Murphy's Law predicted it would.
Last year when the Raiders went to Miami Palmer had a horrible day, McFadden was injured, and the defense played terribly. None of those things will happen again. The Dolphins will keep it close, but only because the East coast is icky and the Raiders will be all like "eww".
Raiders win, 20-13.
Hey by the way, I am now finally on Twitter. You can follow me @RaiderDamus. I will be tweeting links to the stuff I write here and the stuff I write semi-professionally at SBN Bay Area.