FanPost

Tebow Is Coming

The New England Patriots have just released Tim Tebow. Given that currently our quarterback options consist of a poor man’s Cam Newton and a noodle armed backup with the mobility of a man busy on the toilet, it wouldn’t be a massive surprise if Allen and McKenzie consider bringing in Tebow.

If we ever make this move, it would go against almost all Raider traditions. Can you imagine if the 1970s Raider team came across a quarterback like Tebow? They’d beat him up so hard he’d cry to his mom except that he would be so bruised and stiff he wouldn’t physically be able to cry. The Raiders are the bad guys, the outlaws, who let players drink, smoke, brawl and womanise as much as they liked as long as they won on Sunday. We have a pirate with an eyepatch as our logo for god’s sake, we’re hardly hiding the fact we try to intimidate others.

And now, the franchise that took pride in having a sign saying "Rule #1 Cheating Is Encouraged" plastered around the old locker room are potentially going to sign this goody two shoes with a Jesus complex. No guy on earth comes closer to walking round with a halo above his head than this guy. The whole Tebowing phenomenon - John Matuszak thirty five years ago would have kneed him in the butt if he saw him doing that.

Well, we now could have a guy our ol’ boys would have eaten up for breakfast as our starting quarterback by week six. I guess on many levels it makes sense – he has more experience as a NFL starter than any of our quarterbacks, his mobility will allow him not to be killed by midseason because of our bad offensive line and also we’re facing such a desperate campaign ahead that we may as well take a punt on him. Plus, for all his faults, he’s a winner. He has a winning record as a starter.

Yes, his weaknesses are documented – he can’t throw a proper spiral, his throwing action couldn’t be more ungainly if he was an octopus trying to undo a bra strap. It’s a miracle he isn’t strip sacked five times a game with how long it takes for him to wind up and throw the ball. Worse than his inability to throw the football properly, he’s an ex-Bronco.

Personally, I hope to God we don’t sign him. We’re the Raiders – we’re the villains of the NFL. We’re the team people love to hate. That’s why as an Englishman looking for a NFL team to support I chose to be a Raider fan. How can we ever market ourselves as bad guys ever again if we sign the Ned Flanders of the National Football League to be our quarterback?

Yes, he may improve us slightly on the field and add some lustre to what at the moment, let’s be honest, is a clusterf**k of a franchise. But personally, for reasons of history and tradition, I’m desperate we don’t sign St Timothy.



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