Look as he boldly gazes into the future, never once looking back, left, sideways or upways
With our first regular season game on the horizon, I thought I’d take a moment and reflect on the tough questions posed to the Raider Nation this season.
Questions like will the defense gel this season, whether Pryor can succeed, can McFadden stay healthy or even will the offensive line be able to stop anybody are irrelevant. I’m here to ask the real questions and boldly pursue the answers with courage and tenacity.
Some of the questions we must ask include how glorious is Matt McGloin really? Are we truly ready to bask in his eternal light? Will he want donuts or bagels at the team meetings? Does he take his coffee black or with cream and sugar? Yes, these are the questions that demand answers and I will not rest until they are satisfied.
We’re very fortunate in that we must ask these tough questions in the first place. While on the never ending quest to find the truth, I’m going to review the top 10 glorious facts of our Dear Supreme Leader for life.
1. Usian Bolt trains by racing McGloin’s laser passes
2. McGloin is so accurate that army snipers consult him regularly for tips
3. He once handed the ball off with such authority that it created a sonic boom
4. Matt McGloin has never thrown an interception. Ever. Every once in a while when he throws the ball, it tears a hole into an alternate universe where everything is wrong and evil and we get sucked into it.
5. He is the only player in NCAA history to throw a touchdown, rush for a touchdown, return an interception for a touchdown, recover a fumble for a touchdown, kick a field goal, score a 2 point conversion and a safety all in the same drive.
6. When he was accepted to Penn State, female enrollment jumped 73% and rose every semester he was there.
7. He stands so tall in the pocket that even Mt Everest is wowed. What’s more impressive is that he inspires a mountain to have feelings.
8. The only time he overthrew a receiver, the ball traveled out of the stadium, broke orbit, sailed out of the solar system and currently is the furthest man-made object from Earth.
9. Once, as he was sprinting for the endzone akin to a gazelle across the savannah, McGloin tweaked his knee. After the game, his knee made a public apology and announced its retirement from his body to pursue "other interests that are within my skill set as I have let everyone down here, especially myself"
10. McGloin is not the answer. He is the question. And the answer to that question is McGloin. Sense be damned.
Picture via www.theschoolphilly.com