FanPost

A look at our 2014 season

After reading through some of the comments and the way people feel about our upcoming off season and 2014 schedule; I thought it prudent to jump ahead and look at what went wrong with our 4-12 2014 season.

After two years of climbing through the sewage pipe at the end of shawshank RM can now rip off his metaphorical shirt that has shackled him for oh so many years and can begin to execute his plan. It was in hindsight, a brilliant plot. As raider fans we notice everything and bitch about anything but somehow no one noticed his shoes. The day that RM announced his first and what turned out to be his last signing of the off season, we all will remember where we were that day. It was the largest contract ever given in NFL history. More astounding is the fact no one knew who he was, the 4 facts us raider fans knew were: he had never played in the NFL, he got a contract for 68 million guaranteed, he played CB and he was recovering from a nasty computer virus. As true raider fans we are, we all hopped on the mystery man's raft because the river of optimism was running high that day. The pundits had mixed reviews, Dan R.ather Haley was quoted as saying, "I'm not sure what they are thinking. Everyone knows that kickers and punters are more important than a CB in today's league." Suffice it to say there was a lot of confusion, especially when the mystery man failed to report to training camp. Steve Cork was reported to be the first to find RM at his desk dead, autopsy said it was from gouging out his eyes from watching one too many shrek movies.

When RM's mom came to identify the body she was confused, " thats not RM feet, those are too mall and has anyone seen his twin brother?" No one knows where RM and the 68mil went because everyone forgot the name, Sayw... Something.

Every one thought the season was lost until DA rode in on his translucent steed (unfortunately still wearing his visor) and announced he would be running the show now. Confidence in the fan base had been restored, all the fans knew RM was holding DA back anyways. Before the draft DA announced they were doing away with BPA scheme because no ever succeeds running that format ever and moving to an eye candy platform. "We want football players first and foremost and players I know I can teach my specific skill set to." The raiders drafted 7 CB, excitement was high, malt beverages were enjoyed and domestic disturbances dropped.

Opening day was palpable, we knew we had a tough schedule but this was going to be the break through year. Most of our problems had yet to be solved but like a kicker shooting up Todd Mcshays draft board so shall we rise like the mythical phoenix. And so we did, rattling off three straight victories. Fans began to push for a DA Day, where everyone must where a visor regardless of venue. We began to scream that we must lock him up for the next 6 years before a team signs him away from us mid season. Riots broke out after the fourth victory in a row, dismantling the broncos like William Wallace at the end of braveheart. When MD said he wanted to be patient before he signed him to a new deal, the uproar in raider nation could be heard in narnia. Contracts for MDs life were being posted on Craigslist. When news broke that MD had found the head of his favorite stuffed animal in his sheets he succumbed to peer pressure. He gave DA a new contract, all power and the right to exercise Prima Nocta.

Puff puff pass was enjoyed, malt beverages were flowing, global warming was being solved and the Raider nation began to crow.

When we lost Marquette king to a hang nail would be what most people would point to as the turning of the tide, we had no replacement so Goethel came out of the stands to fill in. Unfortunately it turned out much like his snapping duties against SD, 5 punts blocked all for TDs. DAs Anderson silva-esque confidence was shattered. He began to make irrational decision after another as the losses piled up, rotating qbs every other snap, opting to never challenge a review out of fear of losing a time out he would never use, employing tony Robbins for his halftime speeches and resorting to gimmicks like giving each player an Axe, with a message scrawled on it "cut them down." The losing continued.

Global warming was still unsolved, domestic disturbances were on the rise, puff puff pass and malt beverages were still enjoyed.

As the season came to a close and DA responded to questions on top of his steed on the same day fans wanted "DA day" to be on, he didn't lack confidence. "Look the deconstruction phase is over, frame phase is over, we are now on to dry wall and I think we can all be happy about that."

And his final thought on a 4-12 season, "hey, were looking for continuity."

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