The Autumn Wind still sails proudly mates! Our 50 gun flagship is under the control of young pirates now, pirates who have been fighting the likes of the English (Kansas City), the French (Denver), and the Spanish (San Diego) for countless seasons. Although Raider Nation hasn't faired well recently. The tides are turning! The wind is blowing! WE SMELL GOLD!
For tonight tale we will be taken back to a time when our kind was feared.............
I notice all the gulls circling just past the tips of my boots as I sit leaning against the mast with my feet upon the crows nest rail. (Don't do it, the last time you threw anything at them.......well capn' Allen made sure I won't do that again). Snap! Fffffwaasnap! Why the hell is the flag so alive, it's spring? No clouds, hasn't been a wind, a real wind, an Autumn wind in a child’s age. Haven't seen a victory worth bragging about in that same child’s age. Damn I'm hungry. Hungry for the spoils of victory. I'd take a piece of bread though. I've gotten used to bread. I hate bread. Snap! Snap pppssssffwwa Snap! That’s an angry spring gust, I should probably sit up, this wind is sure to bring the Capn's attention to the top of the mast. Oh...............no.
"SHIP AHOY CAPN'! DIRECTLY TO STERN! SHIP AHOY"!
"Mr. Hayden, how in Als name could ya let any ship get that close to us without...........WER YA SLEEPIN MR HAYDEN"? "No sir, not sleepin' Capn'" "Mr Hayden, have th’ dogs run up their colors yet"? "They be doin it now Capn’, it aint th’ French nor th’ Spanish, I be thinkin its...........ESPN. I be thinkin they be meanin to board us sir"!
"Board us? ESPN? HA! I‘ll sink me beloved Autumn Wind meself bfore I let ESPN board her, don't they know who we are? Run up th’ Jolly Roger men, let’s show em who they be chasing. Th’ Autumn Wind will NEVER be boarded"! "Tyvon, you hold down th’ starboard side of th’ ship by yourself, and will someone wake up Seabass, I want him and Marquette on th’ ready with th’ "BIG" gun, just in case"!
"Capn’ Allen, ESPN be sending us a message sir, it reads…..
Wait Raider Nation, we believe in you now and would like to help spread the word on how you are "back" and we would like to be a part of your success! We have many "pirates" inquiring as to where your next port-of-call might be so they may join the Raider Nation in collecting the spoils of the havoc we believe you are about to unleash on the rest of the NFL.
"DOGS! Do they really think, after 12 treasure-less seasons, they can just pull th’ gear from their bags, and declare that they be Raiders again? There be no room on the Autumn Wind fer bandwagon buccaneers, they all die! Admiral McKenzie will get us the pirates we need." "Mr Shaub, get yer offense ready to attack, we’ll send in Mr Penn and that freak Wiz to pound on em. Then when they bring up reinforcements from below we’ll flank em with Mr Streater and Mr Moore. Darren and Marcel, you two can stomp on what ever be leftover"! "What about Mr Smith Capn’"? "Charles, you know Anthony be our secret weapon, keep th’ "Pirate Assasin" locked in th’ brig, we can’t unleash him until we need him, that’s just not right"!
"Capn’ Allen! They be gainin Capn’, they’ll overtake us soon"!
Damn those scurvy dogs, the thought of us collectin our booty without them is really makin them piss down their legs into their boots. Admiral McKenzie's offseason of aquirin new pirates has been a fruitfull one, th' dogs know we're on to somthin. Prince Davis ordered Admiral McKenzie to collect the most feared group of cut throat cast aways that pirate gold can buy, with a catch. This group has to be LOYAL to the silver and black. Loyal with a resume that dripped in the blood of success.
Mr Tuck? Admiral McKenzie must have given him more than gold. Mr Penn makes me glad that dog Veldheer chose to run to same ship that dog Palmer ran to. I got a special man for that job, Mr Woodley is only let out when real damage is desired. Thank you again Admiral....but how do I keep him from scaring the cook?
"Slow down th' ship Mr Woodson". "Sir?" "Ya heard me Mr Woodson, slow down, let us see if Capn' Shefter, 1st mate Michaels, and.............what’s Williamson do?" "Whatever ESPN tells him to sir". "Yes, that.....that's why you're first mate Charles, let us see what the bastards will do if we slow, but before we slow, have Mr Hayden send them this message......................"
"ESPN. Beware. Before you continue know this, we have acquired the CAPTAINS of four other pirate ships in the region. Prince Davis has authorized Admiral McKenzie to dispatch the flagship "Autumn Wind" to sink all that oppose the Raider Nation. There will be no second warnings. If you continue, you will be sunk."
"Mr Hayden?.............? MR HAYDEN?! You sleeping again??? "SIR"!?! Oh, I sent the message, they're steering off sir, they're turning away"! "Keep on course mates...........the french have our gold.......their 1st mate is really old and has a neck injury. The Autumn Wind will catch them soon enough and they will end in Davy Jones locker"