From The Onion: 10/16/11 Nation's Untalented Fast Wide Receivers Mourn Passing Of Only Employer OAKLAND, CA—Shortly after Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis passed away last week, scores of the nation's incompetent but extremely fast wide receivers came forward to mourn the loss of their only employer. "I feel like the last of a generation," Raiders wideout Darrius Heyward-Bey told reporters Friday, stressing how proud he is to be part of a fraternity of lightning-quick but sloppy and stone-handed pass catchers drafted by Oakland who never panned out. "My heart really breaks for all the super-fast kids who can't catch in college and high school right now. Who will draft and ultimately wind up disappointed with them?" The Raiders announced that at halftime of Sunday’s game they will honor Davis for employing most of the NFL’s talentless speedsters over the past 25 years, with Heyward-Bey, Denarious Moore, Jacoby Ford, Louis Murphy, Arman Shields, Chaz Schilens, Johnnie Lee Higgins, Jonathan Holland, Kevin McMahan, Carlos Francis, Johnnie Morant, Doug Gabriel, Ryan Hoag, Ken-Yon Rambo, Jerry Porter, Dameane Douglas, Olanda Truitt, Raghib Ismail, Ron Lewis, Gary Gooden, Mike Alexander, and Larry Shephard all expected to participate. Tim Brown, the only talented fast wide receiver of the Davis era, will not be in attendance. ORIGINAL LINK TO STORY
DHB's MIDDLE FINGER TO TERRELL RANDLEWith 10:41 to go in the 2nd quarter of Saturday's preseason match up against the Lions, Carson Palmer dropped back to pass from his own 47 yard line, set his feet, and lofted the ball to Darrius Heyward-Bey who was streaking up the right side of the field. DHB, who had burnt Lions CB Justin Miller to the outside, adjusted to an under thrown ball from Palmer and made a nasty one-handed catch, pinning the rock against the face-guarding corners left shoulder pad for a 41 yard gain. Heyward-Bey finished with two catches for 55 yards. I'm expecting DHB to take the next step this year as his focus and maturity look to be catching up with his raw talent. I hope this is one of many amazing catches we see out of our wide outs as we looked to be stacked with youth and athleticism.