Silver And Black Pride: FanPosts

A Day in the Life of Tom Cable: Part Deux

2009-11-19T21:17:51Z

For A Day in the Life pt. 1 click here.

When we left: Tom Cable was waiting for players to arrive for their Monday meetings.

Cable, trying to rub away the pickaxe-wielding gnomes in his head, is waiting for Russell while trying to think of a new way to reach him.

“Maybe I should invite him over for dinner like Al Pacino invited Steamin’ Willie Beamon in On Any Given Sunday. Wait, that’s not going to work. What am I going to do, microwave some Hot Pockets and have a sit down in the office? Maybe I could make him watch the movie; or, better yet—I should invite him over to my house. He and my wife can work some things out while I relax here.”

Cable reaches for the intercom, “Les, where’s JaSuckus? Please tell me that he at least bothered to show up...or, better yet, quit.”

“Oh yeah, apparently he was here before the morning crew started their 5 a.m. shift.”

“Really? That’s outstanding.”

“Well, it would be, except he is passed out in the cafeteria under his new fur jacket. The cleanup guy thought he was a wild animal and whacked him with his mop, but he didn’t even move. He kept poking him until JaMarcus threw his cell phone at him.”

“Ugh...did it hurt the guy?”

“You’re kidding, right? It missed him by a mile. It did go through the wall and left a two-foot hole, though. We got a crew trying to get him up now.”

“Commitment to excellence,” Cable says.

In the background he overhears Les’ TV: “Breaking news!” accompanied by various whizzing sound effects. “Chris Mortenson is live with new developments on Tom ‘The Incredible Hulk’ Cable.”

Cable shakes his head and thinks “Oh good, I was wondering what was taking them so long.”

“Les!” Cable shouts through the door, hoping to bypass the intercom and consequently the reports, “get me What’s-a-football-Bey instead!”

Les hits the intercom button. “You got it.”

In the half-second the button was pressed, Cable catches Mortenson saying “...more than assault...”

Les presses the button again. “On his way coach; he is at the other end of the building. He should be here in five.”

Mortenson was still going, “peacefully sleeping when Cable tried to sever her fingers...”

“At least they aren’t being unbiased,” Cable thinks to himself.

Ten seconds later, Les buzzes in. “Bey is here.”

Cable hears Mortenson in the background, “innocent housekeeper was assaulted...”

“That was quick,” Cable thinks, back to focusing on his job and not the TV. “He was a half-mile away.” Cable watches his door handle turn a half of a turn and reset, then do the whole thing over again. “Les! Let these guys in the door—this is just embarrassing.”

Les opens the door while Mortenson talks away, “...a deadly weapon.” Cable shakes his head.

“Sorry, coach,” Heyward-Bey says apologetically through a pant. “I can’t keep my grip on the handle. I have a hard time holding onto round things.”

“I’ve noticed, Darrius. Thanks for getting here so quick, though.”

“No problem, coach—I love to run.”

“I know you have been getting good grades, Darrius, and this game you actually got 22 yards, but that last drop you had—well—there is no way to put this gently: It really hurt us. I am afraid I just can’t give you more than a C this week.”

“Oh coach, not a C! My mom is going to kill me. I mean all the guys said they supported me and this can happen to rookies, and I know I need to catch those, but come on! You’ve seen my mom, coach.”

“I know, Darrius, but you can’t very well use your stats to support your play.” Cable says, regretting he ever came up with this grading system in order to protect his young receiver’s fragile psyche. “Look, let’s hope this was just a bad week for you. I want you to go out there and have a strong week of practice. Work on those fundamentals and remember the ball is your friend. Remember how we talked about it not being able to hurt you—that’s all in your head.”

“You’re sure there’s no teeth hidden in the ball, right?”

“I promise, Darrius—look for yourself.” Cable tosses the ball sitting on his desk to Heyward-Bey’s hands.

Picking it up off the floor, Heyward-Bey looks it up and down as he walks out of the office while repeating his mantra, “No teeth, Darrius. Nice ball, Darrius. The ball is our friend, Darrius.”

In the background, Mortenson is still talking: “The houskeeper is recovering from the attempted murder...”

“What?” At his wits' end, Cable had heard enough of that garbage. “Les!” Cable shouts through the door. “Just shout your answers. Is JaHangover on his way yet?”

Les presses the intercom and shouts, “He is up, but apparently he is on his way to Mr. Davis’ office!”

Cable heard Mortenson in the background: “Maria Lutz, Cable’s ex...”

“Les” Cable presses the intercom. “I am going to use the intercom, but from now on you just shout to me, without the intercom. OK?”

“Sure thing, boss,” Les says through the intercom.

Long enough for Cable to hear “assaulted her with deadly weapons...”

“Sorry, that was the last time,” Les pipes in through the intercom.

Mortenson finished his thought: “13 or 22 different times.”

“Get me McSissy, keep me updated on JaNoclue, and send Higgins, Murphy, and Schillens in. No, wait, I’ll talk to Schillens later. Tell him not to move unless he has to,” Cable says, realizing he didn't want the one receiver he trusted to re-injure his foot.

In a desperate search for his aspirin, Cable looks up to see Les open the door. “Darren’s here, coach”

McFadden walks through the doorway. Les put his hand on McFadden’s back to show him in, which knocks McFadden to the ground.

“Christ, Les! You didn’t have to tackle me!” McFadden says, picking up the water bottle he dropped while falling.

Meanwhile, Cable can not help but hear the TV. “Let’s go to Chris Mortenson with some more breaking news...”

“At least,” Cable thinks with an exhale, “they have moved on to another story.”

“Darren, it was great to get you back into the flow last week. How are you feeling?”

“Not good, coach. I got hit like 10 times. The trainers said there was nothing wrong with me, but when I leave here I am going to have them check again.”

“Darren, I want you ready to go. I am thinking of putting in some more plays for you this week. Some things to get you into space...”

“Oh, I like space,” McFadden interrupts. “I don’t think I could get hit hard if everyone is weightless.”

“No, Darren—space on the football field. We need to take advantage of your quickness and your speed. Maybe some pitches, and I also want to line you up wide and run some bubble screens.”

“Oh...well, I’ll let you know what the trainers say, coach. I should be ready to go before the season’s over.”

“Darren, you can leave now.” Cable says, turning to stroke his picture of Justin Fargas for sanity.

“Good talk, coach. I am off to the whirlpool.” McFadden opens the door, thinking, “They need to turn down the water flow, though—it keeps knocking me over.”

While the door is open, Cable hears “after slapping her, she said Tom Cable asked her to wear a veil and told her to stay away from New York on 9/11.”

“What?” Cable thinks, trying to tune it out. “Les, how are we looking with player’s meetings?”

“Well,” Les says into the intercom, “JaMarcus just left Mr. Davis’ office and boss man wants you to call him. Murphy and Higgins are currently stuck shoulder to shoulder in a doorway. They entered the doorway at the same time from different halls and knocked each other over. They got up and did it again. They got up again and now they are just stuck.”

In the background: “she said Cable punched her...”

“Les, what did I say about the intercom?”

“Oh yeah. Sorry, boss,” Les says into the intercom, while Cable hears “...then grabbed his gun and sat on the grassy knoll.”

In a state of disbelief, Cable picks up the phone, and before he even finishishes dialing Davis’ extension, Davis answers. “Russell is benched. I want you to give him the Marcus Allen treatment, Flores. He is done!” Click.

“Wow, maybe my luck is turning,” Cable thinks. “I got a Flores and I get to bench JaMumbles.

Les opens the door. “JaMarcus is here.” Russell walks in.

“Aburighta maLesum mana. High five.” Russell mumbles. Les holds up his hand and Russell swings for a high five, missing, as Les walks out the door.

The door sways open long enough for Cable to hear “she said he slapped her for being Jewish and he and his friend Adolf we going to do something, because Jews were destroying...”

Cable—knocked back by the smell of booze and vomit that accompanied Russell—said, “Jesus, JaMarcus! You smell like a bar bathroom at the end of Mardis Gras.”

“Ahwellum I baslept herez and Iz dranktd a littlez too much and macouldn’t makes it homez.”

“JaMarcus, you need to enunciate. Focus. We have to talk.”

“Whatever, coach; I think it’s your ears, not my talking. Don’t you?” Russell says really slowly, thinking he sounded like an idiot yet made an excellent point. “We do need to talk, though, Cable guy.”

“Al said I was done,” Russell says, still speaking slowly and seeming a little perplexed. “I went up there demanding he get me a new cell phone, because the janitor made me break mine. Also, I need a new beanie since I puked in my good one and I don’t make enough to buy one on my own. He went off, saying, ‘You don’t come here and demand more money from me’ and ‘I am through, blah blah blah.’ He looks like the Emperor from Star Wars when he gets pissed. You want me to play, though, right? You saw it wasn’t big ol’ No. 2’s fault out there, right?”

“Actually, JaMarcus, you are not making the strides I hoped: You are not putting in the extra time, you don’t seem to care, and your accuracy and decision-making is getting worse. You are so hungover now that I think your breath is getting me drunk. Now if you change...”

“Whatever,” Russell interrupts, “it’s all about the Benjamins. I am going to da club. Did I enunciate that well enough?” Russell slowly walks out the door, thinking he's storming. He then tries to slam the door for effect but missed and then leaves, realizing he didn’t care enough to do anything else.

In the background, Cable hears “she told me that Cable slapped her while saying he was going to tell the authorities where to find Jesus.”

Cable, finally able to block it all out, sits back in his chair, and, for the first time all day, lets loose a big smile.

“Les, things are looking up, my friend! Get Gradkowski in here.”

A Reasonable Expectation for Gradkowski

2009-11-19T20:13:16Z

I hope everyone in the Raider Nation knows to temper their expectations for Gradkowski this week. He will be facing a monster D and is taking over a very hot seat. Personally, I'd be happy to see him have 1 interception or less, NO fumbles, complete 50% of his passes (even if that's only 7 or 8), and have a total of anything over 120 passing yards. If he can do that his first week out, agains an exceptionally strong team, then I think there will only be room for improvement. I'd love a breakout performance, but like I've said, we have to be reasonable here.

I think the most critical element to watch for will be his decision making and limiting mistakes. I've watched Denver do well with a QB who doesn't have a big arm or great completion percentages, but gets them into chances to win based on small progressions and few mistakes. The biggest think keeping the Raiders from being 5-4 right now is bad throws, and a weak running game. The running game isn't there because most defenses can play a zone or prevent for any potential pass play, and put extra players on the line because they know Russell will miss the mark 50% of the time, won't check down, and with a stacked line will have less than 3 seconds to get the ball in the air. This gives the running backs, at best when they find a hole, a 5 yard gain per carry.

If Gradkowski can at least make the opposing D back off the line even 1/2 the time, the RB's may actually have a chance for some good yards. Keeping the offense on the field will give the Raider D more time to review the opposition's play scheme and maybe make some adjustments. I know I'm being really optimistic here, but I really believe that any improvement in the completion and decision making of the QB can really change the Raider's chances in ANY game.

Tom Cable Talks About JaMarcus Russell

2009-11-19T13:04:19Z

Over at SF Gate there's an interview with Tom Cable about the QB switch.

Tom Cable stresses the point that he's not giving up on Russell:

Q: You still see JaMarcus as the future of this football team?

A: "That's my hope. This is in no way giving up on the guy. This is just trying to jumpstart this team and really break it down and make a decision based on what gives us the best chance to win.

About why Gradkowski:

Q: Why Gradkowski over Russell?

A: "Just felt like he would give us the best chance to win, and we need to get to playing better offensively and win football games."

Q: What does Bruce bring to the table?

A: "I just think his leadership, his management, understanding of what we're trying to do, accuracy. Just a lot of those intangible-type things, and give him a chance to get all the reps and go out and build some chemistry with the receivers."

And about the duration of the switch:

Q: Will you go week to week with this?

A: "No, I don't want to be like that. This is where we're headed and what we're gonna do, and he'll take this team and go with it."

And a little hint what he expects of Russell during this:

Q: You want JaMarcus up there on the sideleines talking with you and Bruce during the game?

A: "Absolutely. And he will. That's the one thing I know about the guy, is he's strong that way and he will get through this. And that's why I said, I believe he has a bright future."

And how hard it was to make this decision:

Q: Did you agonize over this decision?

A: "It was an easy decision because I feel the responsibility for this football team to give them the best chance to succeed."

There are other questions also. Click on the link above to read the full article.

And the Funniest Fake Athlete Twitter Account Goes To...

2009-11-19T07:46:09Z

Everyone knows Jay Cutler is a douche bag. Everyone knows that Mike Dunleavy is a terrible coach. Everyone knows Al Davis is off his rocker. And everyone knows that if JaMarcus Russell spent half as much time practicing football as he did eating, he might actually be a good quarterback.

We always joke about athletes and what they are thinking, but now we know, thanks to some very creative and snarky tweople who have started fake athlete Twitter accounts.

Did you wonder what Jay Cutler was really thinking about after his five-interception meltdown against the 49ers last Thursday? Or what Mike Dunleavy is thinking during a typical (patent pending) fourth quarter meltdown? Or what JaMarcus Russell orders at the drive-thru at McDonald’s?

If so, it’s time for you to jump on the Twitter bandwagon and start following these not-so respected sports figures.

Now, without further ado, I give you the top five best fake athlete Twitter accounts.

"I'm a bulletproof tiger. I'm the man who has the ball, I'm the man who can throw it faster than fuck."

5) Kenny Powers – @KFUCKINGP

Ok, this isn’t a fake account, but it’s a real account of a fake person. Fair enough?

The star of HBO’s recent hit comedy, Eastbound & Down, takes his persona from the small screen to Twitterland. The self-proclaimed bulletproof tiger has a crude yet hilarious sense of humor for those of you who can take a dirt joke; and so far, there are almost 59,000 people who can.

Here are some of his best tweets:

"Growing up, I’d always tell my brother Dustin to stand further back from the urinal so people think your dick’s bigger."

"The best advice I got my rookie year was to always live by the "Three P’s." •Peyote •Pussy •Percocet"

4) Mike Dunleavy – @notmikedunleavy

I’ll step aside and let Bill Simmons take this one:

"Forget that he’s a mediocre coach and an even worse GM, that Clippers fans openly grumble about him during games, that he dresses like a movie usher, that he clearly has nude photos of somebody important and that can be the only explanation for all of this."

This guy is a coach and a GM? Seriously?

"Again, forget all these things. Just come back with me to two Mondays ago. The Clippers are tied with a depleted Spurs team. Less than 29 seconds remain on the clock. I’m talking to the disgruntled father-son combo behind me (Lenny and Jessie) and make the mistake of saying that the Clips might pull this one out."

"They come out of the huddle. The first sign of trouble: Three-point specialist and 12th man Steve Novak has entered the game for the Clippers. Why? I have no idea. This is a Dunleavy speciality — throw the coldest bench guy in the game in the biggest possible spot. With the Spurs still trickling onto the court after the timeout, we watch in horror as Novak is STRETCHING to get himself loose. He’s stretching! He looks like a 45-year-old guy who just got called into a Thankgiving touch football game. That’s followed by a 20-second timeout, which gives Novak time to perform an impromptu pilates session at the top of the key. At this point, I would have bet my life on a Novak airball to end the game."

"My point is this: Somehow, someway, in one of the most inexplicable turn of events that’s ever happened in this league, Mike Dunleavy is the only person currently coaching an NBA team and handling personnel decisions at the same time. Mike Dunleavy! How does this happen? My head hurts."

And that is why Bill Simmons sponsors Mike Dunleavy on Basketball-Reference.com.

Here are his best fake tweets:

"This Stephen Jackson trade alters the entire balance of power among teams that will win less than 30 games."

"I told the team last night to play 48 good minutes. Unfortunately, pregame warm-ups were 30 of those minutes."

3) JaMarcus Russell – @FakeFatJamarcus

I don't remember seeing JaMarcus in the last scene of Four Brothers, but after seeing this picture, I could swear he was there.

Here are the most regretted words from 2007: "The Oakland Raiders, with the first overall selection, take JaMarcus Russell, QB, LSU."

Who would have guessed that being able to throw a football through the goal post from midfield on your knees wouldn’t have guaranteed Russell a permanent spot on the All-Pro team?

To quote Mike Tanier of Football Outsiders after the draft in 2007:

"Russell joins a long list of young quarterbacks who developed into superstars with the Raiders. There’s Andrew Walt … uh, no, but there’s Todd Marino … um, Marques Tui … er, Marc Wil … eh, Billy Joe … wait … Ken Stabler, 35 years ago! On the bright side, though, at least Russell will get to work with a real offensive coordinator (Greg Knapp), not that Basil Fawlty guy they had last year."

To sum up, here is the "bio" of @FakeFatJamarcus: "I like food, Madden 10, jewelry, chillin’, da club, and football. In that order."

‘Nuff said.

Here are some of his greatest tweets (oh, and he likes to use the third person):

"JaMarcus can throw a football 60 yards from my knees. The only thing Gradkowski does well from his knees doesn’t involve a football."

"You know what else JaMarcus can throw 80 yards? A cheeseburger. But then I’d be wasting a perfectly good cheeseburger."

2) Al Davis – @VeryFakeAlDavis

The man who made the fake JaMarcus account possible.

Al Davis is a perpetual nightmare for Oakland Raider fans. His stubbornness, obsession with having complete control, and infatuation with players who fare well at the NFL Combine, have turned a once-proud franchise into the laughingstock of the NFL.

This is probably the most horrifying picture on Planet Earth. I feel violated just looking at it. Imagine being a Raiders fan.

And if that weren’t enough, he ruined the Oakland Coliseum for my beloved

A’s by adding the atrocity that is Mount Davis.

Here is a fantastic (yet painful) story about Al Davis from the San Jose Mercury’s Tim Kawakami:

"Do you know the Deng Xiaoping story? That’s the infamous one, I guess. It was at the press conference announcing the hiring of Kiffin. Afterwards I was talking to Al, and remarked that I thought it was a strange hire, given that Kiffin was so young and had no head coaching experience. Al didn’t like that, and said: ‘I’ll bet you don’t even know who Deng Xiaoping was.’ I was like, what? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Al pressed it. ‘Who is Deng Xiaoping?’ So I thought for a minute, and said, ‘Well, if I’m not mistaken, wasn’t he the General Secretary of the Chinese government during the Tiananmen Square massacre?’ And Al repiles, ‘But what can you tell me about him other than that? See? You don’t even know anything about your own culture.’ I said, ‘Al, I’m Japanese-American, not Chinese.’ And Al said, ‘Ohh, geez. I bet you’re going to kill me on that now.’ It all happened in front of about 20 reporters, so I didn’t have to."

Here are my favorite fake Al Davis tweets:

"Sherm Lewis was my favorite bingo caller at Tom Walsh’s B&B."

"Nobody finishes off a penalized play like DHB"

"45 min from wheels down in KC. JaMarcus has been staring down a photo of the hotel buffet and patting an imaginary football for hours."

"Michael Bush’s success is a revelation. From now on, we’re snapping the tibias of all incoming rookies"

1) Jay Cutler – @NotJayCutler

Serves him right.

Jay Cutler has quickly become the NFL’s favorite whipping boy. The spoiled, rich, prep school quarterback, who emits an "I am the shit" persona with a taste of douche-baggery thrown in, has quickly learned how to use Twitter.

And it couldn’t be more spot on.

The Cutler imposter perfectly captures the essence of the Bears’ whiny, alcoholic quarterback.

Comparing himself to Brett Favre last year didn’t really help his cause, claiming he has a stronger arm than the Vikings’ quarterback, "Yeah, I think so," Cutler told the Denver media, laughing. "He’s 39, soon to be 40. I think he may have given me a run back in his 20s, but I think I got him now."

To quote Gourmet Spud of Deadspin, Cutler’s sole motivation to improve as a quarterback is to be able to publicly declare, "Sure, Mother Theresa helped a lot of people, but last time I checked, she never once threw for 4,000 yards."

Here are my favorite fake Cutler tweets:

"I knew I was a good fit with the Bears ’cause I nick-named my penis the "Monster of the Midway" as well."

"There’s nothing more disrespectful than a chick that won’t give road head when you drive her home."

"For my money, nothing shaves my arms like a Schick Quattro."

"I hope Lovie Smith keeps his job. Having a black coach gives me street cred."

"It doesn’t matter if I win on the field. My New York Giants are undefeated in my Madden ‘10 season."

"Matt Forte said he wants the ball more. Someone’s getting teabagged tonight."

No Further Comment Needed

2009-11-19T01:42:10Z

"The quarterback's position is 90% mental and 10% physical. I try to simulate the game as much as I can in practice and visualize every play and every defense we could see. In essence I'm playing the game over and over so that no matter what situation happens, I've already played it and can anticipate what will happen."

Jamarcus Russell?

Actually, no. Quote by Drew Brees. Who stands a hair under 6 feet and weighs 205 pounds after a large meal.

Raiders, Alameda County Joint Powers Authority Agree to Extend Lease

2009-11-19T00:27:36Z

"The Black Hole" will remain in Oakland -- for now, at least. [via upload.wikimedia.org]

According to David White of the San Francisco Chronicle, the Oakland Raiders and the Alameda County Joint Powers Authority have agreed to extend the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum lease through the 2013 season.

That means the Raiders won't (likely) be returning to Los Angeles after next season when their current lease is set to expire.

Could this be the home of an NFL team in the future? [via latimesblogs.latimes.com]

There's always some rumblings around the league concerning an NFL franchise moving to Los Angeles. The Raiders are usually somewhere atop the list having played in Los Angeles from 1982-1994. Recently, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) signed a bill to help speed up construction of an NFL stadium in the San Gabriel Valley; however, it doesn't appear that the Raiders are heading there at least not until the new lease is up after the 2013 season.

Poll

Do you want the Raiders to stay in Oakland?

Jamarcus Out Gradkowski In

2009-11-19T00:13:56Z

Here we got lesson to Jamarcus I don't know but let's go Raiders but, I can't find our game on Thursday Night vs the Cowboys anyone know where it's at? All I saw was the Broncos vs the Giants game anybody know?

dsuicdiufcdi iunbsdiundic ciudbcdiucdiuc iud cdiucbdiuc diucbduic bdic cduic bdeicbd dyih cdihyc dhic dic iudc dihc dihc dhc dc duicbdhicdc dihdc bdchi dhucd issonxmsoicndovudf v9icnsdic bdi dih dih vdihv 75 words.

Al Davis is your Crazy Old Grandpa!

2009-11-18T21:39:39Z

I've been a Raiders fan since 1977. At the young age of six, I witnessed their SuperBowl victory over the Minnesota Vikings. The magic of Stabler, Branch, Biletnikoff and Casper, and especially the rough hits of Tatum and Atkinson showed a young boy a rough game played not just by atheletes, but by MEN who played to win. I was sold- and now I can't get my soul back.

I look over the last six years I have watched with sadness and disbelief at what has become of the organization that I used to believe in and never question. Everyone knew Al Davis was a little unorthodox; moving the team; testifying at the USFL vs. NFL trial in 1986. As a Raiders fan, you knew Mr. Davis would do things his way, but you always knew that the ultimate goal was to have the best product, the best team, and the best performance.

I've now come to realize that Al Davis is someone's crazy old grandpa. Everybody has one, or knows someone who does; the old man who "Spent two years in Korea so that you kids can buy your walkmans and fancy cars". He's the grandpa at Thanksgiving that no one wants to rile out of his afternoon nap for fear of hearing his stories of how he helped to make this country what it is today and now that no one needs him anymore we just ignore him. Think about it, Mr. Davis did great things for the league and his team MANY years ago, but holds the reigns of the team like a retired Floridian holds a steering wheel driving through a parking lot. Like every other crazy grandpa out there he wants to do things "the way we've always done it" even if that was 40 years ago. He buys things that have no usefull purpose just because he likes them (like singing plastic fish, or fast, unproven players and expensive ones that no longer have value), and worse yet, he keeps things long after they have no value (like a 1972 Oldsmobile or JaMarcus Russell), or throws away things he doesn't like even though they are extremely valuable (like a computer or Gruden/Garcia). This is proof that he isn't that different from many other 70 or 80 + year old men.

The problem is that just like your crazy old grandpa, no one can get him to leave and go to the old folks home until he's damn good and ready, so lets plan on suffering through yet another Holiday season with Grandpa Al and hope that maybe something or someone will get him to that old folks home before next season.

Greetings from CincyJungle!

2009-11-18T15:19:27Z

Hello, Raider Nation!

I'm Craig (A Pragmatic Bengals Fan), Site Editor and one of the bloggers over at CincyJungle.com, the SB Nation Bengals community. We've been sharing FanPosts with our opponents' blogs this season and so far it's been a very enjoyable experience. If you have any questions or comments in anticipation of Sunday's game in your backyard, post them here in the comments section! Myself and our other members will try to come around and answer any questions you have and we may have some of our own. We'll do our best to keep it civil (and those of us on staff will ensure nobody gets out of line), but bear in mind we're pretty excited throughout Bengaldom this year. It's been a long time since it's felt this good to be a Bengals fan, you know? :)

Nice to meet you all, and I look forward to a healthy exchange as we discuss Sunday's upcoming battle and I hope our boys log their first ever win (0-9 lifetime) in Oakland!

Sincerely,

A Pragmatic Bengals Fan

A Day in the Life of Tom Cable: Part One

2009-11-18T11:12:59Z

Any resemblance to reality of the below events is purely coincidental.

Monday, 5 a.m., at the Cable household—an alarm goes off...

“Just wake up, baby! Just wake up, baby!” screams the alarm—louder and louder each time. Carol Cable, tired from a long night sleeping next to a restless mate, reaches her hand over and stumbles for the alarm.

In the meantime, after a night of cold sweat and night-terror-filled sleep, Tom Cable grunts and swings his arm to hit the snooze button on an alarm he wishes he had never set.

Tom misses the snooze but does hit his wife’s fumbling hand.

“Ow! My hand! Tom, you hit me! I can’t believe you hit me!” Carol screams in shock.

“Carol, I am so sorry! I was just trying to hit the snooze. Are you OK?” Tom replies, groggy and in shock.

“What do you care? I should have listened to those other women! It’s not my fault your team sucks and you can’t coach!”

“That’s not fair, Carol. Are you in pain? I didn’t mean to hit you; I just wanted to turn this alarm off,” says Tom, still fumbling with the alarm clock.

“I don’t want your excuses. My hand is...” Carol's voice could no longer be heard over the increasing volume of the command, “Just wake up, baby! Just wake up, baby!”

“Carol, I am sorry, but I can’t hear...” says Tom, still trying to silence the alarm. “What is wrong with this devil machine?” Tired and frustrated, Tom rips the alarm out of the wall.

“Just wake up, baby!” The clock runs on batteries too.

By this time, Carol is already throwing his clothes out of the closet. “I can't...you are insa...not going to take this...” Tom can only make out what she is saying in the quick silences between the sentences of the alarm clock.

“Carol, I can’t...damn alarm.” Tom was trying, to no avail, to find the batteries. “You don’t have to do this!” Tom shouts in an attempt to be heard over the alarm. “I love you and I would never want to hurt you. I just wanted to get this alarm to shut up.” At wits end, Tom throws the alarm.

And a mighty throw it is. The alarm sails toward the door, just as the Cable’s housekeeper opens it to see what the commotion was. The alarm bounces off her forehead, sending the alarm and the housekeeper to the ground.

"Oh, Christ," Cable moans.

“...ake...p...baby...!” in pieces, the alarm sputters and quiets down to a stop.

The housekeeper is silent.

“Oh my God! Tom, you are a raging beast!” Carol shouts as she checks the housekeeper’s pulse. Luckily, there is indeed a pulse to check. “Don’t move—I am calling the cops!”

The cops and the ambulance arrive at the same time. After the housekeeper regains consciousness, she tells the police she had opened the door and—bam!—she was struck by the flying, shouting head of Al Davis.

Putting together pieces of stories, the police feel it is all a misunderstanding and let Tom go. Mrs. Cable assures all those in shouting distance that this was not the last they would hear of this matter—to which everyone within shouting distance thought "No duh."

“Well, just another day in paradise...off to the office,” Tom says, grabbing enough things to stay there for a while.

Due to the commotion, Cable is about an hour later than usual. Cable’s secretary Les, a former lineman (he didn’t want to have to worry about accusations of assault on his secretary) greets him. “Hey Tom. Wow, you OK? You look a little out of sorts. Is that a suitcase...? Boss man has already called four times wondering where you were. Good news is the fourth time he actually got your name right. Anyway, he asked you to call him.”

“Can’t wait. I am guessing I got a "Shell" and "Bugel." What was the third name?”

“Kiffin,” Cable’s secretary mumbles, as he did not want to have to tell him that.

“Ugh, this is not good at all,” Cable replies while rubbing his throbbing head and thinking, "I can’t get fired today. I need to sleep here a while."

“What’s with the suitcase?” Les wonders out loud.

“Turn on ESPN—I am sure they’ll let you know,” Cable says, entering his office.

Cable sits down in his commander’s seat and starts polishing his head coach nameplate, thinking this could be the last time it was accurate. After gaining the courage, he dials the boss man.

The phone does not even ring before Al Davis picks up: “Damn it, Shell, this better be you!”

"That’s good," Cable thinks. "At least he didn’t greet me with Kiffin." Cable knew not to correct him on the name. “Al, I am sorry I was late. I had a rough morning, but I am here and ready to work and turn this thing around. We were close yesterday. I thought we had it...”

“Close!” Davis interrupts. “Close is all you are going to get with coaching like that. You need to be more aggressive. Get the ball downfield. Let Heyward run and Russell throw. I want Heyward and Russell on the field every offensive snap. Every other play needs to be a deep throw.”

“Al,” Cable replies, knowing he needed to make his case, as this game plan was the exact opposite of what he wanted to do. “I had to pull Russell. He is not seeing the whole field. He is not making the right reads, and his accuracy has just been terrible. He just doesn’t seem to understand that he needs to put in the work during the week to grasp the game plan...And Heyward can’t catch swine flu.”

“You're the coach. Fix it.” Davis says, growing tired of the excuses and thinking he should just fire this Mike White guy once and for all. But, of course, he knows to wait until he's sure he can do it with out having to pay him. “Why should Russell pay attention to your game plans? They obviously aren’t working. He hasn’t gotten any better this year. I gave you the next Elway and you are turning him into Ryan Leaf.”

“Look,” Davis continues, “I gave you the fastest receiver in the draft—throw it deep to him. If he weren’t so worried about running the sissy patterns that fill your so-called offense, he wouldn’t be tipping balls to the defense.”

“But—” Cable had so many things he wanted to say, but before he can say them, he is interrupted.

“Russell and Heyward play—and if they don’t start improving you can kiss this dream job good-bye. I am not going to continue to look bad because you can’t coach Hall of Fame talent,” Davis says before hanging up with a clang.

“Make you look bad?” Cable thinks, making a scrunched Al Davis face and mouthing words while swaying his head back and forth. “I had more talent at Idaho. If I didn’t need a place to sleep, I’d quit. I can’t coach these guys...”

Cable takes a deep breath, relieved he still had a job. “This kind of negative thinking is not going to help.” Cable presses the intercom button to his secretary. “Les, get me JaDumba—” Cable stops and tells himself “positive thoughts” before continuing, “I mean Russell.”

Realizing he was going to need to talk to more people than Russell, he presses the intercom button again. “Then get Dropsward-Bey and McFumbles, 'cause they are next.” Cable just decides to go with the nicknames; he can start his positive thinking in a minute.

...Stay tuned for A Day in the Life: Part Deux...

Running Back Situation

2009-11-18T00:00:26Z

What to do, what to do...

Michael Bush: Most promising back right now. Tough, old-school runner with soft hands. Should start.

Justin Fargas: Crash dummy. Runs hard every play. McFadden could learn from him (not the injury part).

Darren McFadden: Most explosive one here. Basically Reggie Bush in Silver and Black (Wait, that's an insult to Reggie). Needs to get ball in space (KR, PR, WR).

Gary Russell: HB/FB cross. Short-yardage man. Needs more opportunities.

Overall, one of the better, if confused, RB situations in the league.

So, who should start?

Poll

Who should start at RB?

When will Raiders win like they used to

2009-11-17T16:40:14Z

I have being following raiders for almost 3 decades now and this decade is very embarssing to me. The team that should have won at least 6 games already is now ready for another 10 or more losses again. My friends say I should jump bail on the team but as a loyal fan. I could not do so this retired army guy wants to know who is going to restore the discipline back to this football so that we can look like a winning team again. On the east coast the raiders have some offensive weapons but we can not score. If the team is to move forward and get out fo this bottom for the decade is over we need a coach, quarterback, recivers, and management so that they can understand the past is gone and go forward. We can not live in the past on the raiders committment to excellence anymore if we going to lead the league in most losts in a decade.

Second Season Predictions

2009-11-17T05:56:33Z

One game into the second season, the Oakland Raiders are 0-1. With a very ugly loss to the poor playing Kansas City Chiefs. The game showed that Michael Bush deserves a majority of the carries, Penalties are still plaguing the Raiders and JaMarcus Russell may have taken his last snaps as a starter. With the remaining schedule, it is very likely that we may end up a 13 loss team. But, the outcome of the second season all depends on if Bruce Gradkowski becomes starter and how well he performs in my opinion. Here are my predictions based on the QB situation.

Second Season with JaMarcus Russell

General

Record: 1-7

Division: Last

Tom Cable: Fired

Offensive

Game Averages

PTS: 12

YDS: 210

PASS YDS: 170

RUSH YDS: 150

Second Season with Bruce Gradkowski

General

Record: 4-4

Division: 3rd

Tom Cable: Employed

Offensive

Game Averages

PTS: 25

YDS: 260

PASS YDS: 195

RUSH YDS: 186

I sure hope that Bruce Gradkowski is starting. Its the difference between a 3-13 or 6-10 record. Neither is acceptable, but 6-10 is lot more respectable. Its not a playoff berth or anything, but its a step in the right direction. I may be reaching at predicting 4-3 to finish, but all 4 of those wins come in the last 4 games of the season. Let me know what you think.

Final Drive 4th qt

2009-11-16T21:16:21Z

On the final drive of the game yesterday, Gradkowski looked to both sides of the field. After the snap he looked deep and to the right, this kept the safeties at bay as he went to the left where there was single coverage or a check down. No need to double a lowsy reciever at that point. As he moved down the field, the defense closed toward DHB and the safety was there to snatch the tip. The Raiders made this adjustment after Gradkowski's first few drives.

Why Do You Go To The Games?

2009-11-16T09:49:32Z

I want to hear something from the people who actually go to the Raider games in Oakland...why do you keep going? Your continued presence at the games just helps to perpetuate what is happening on the field. If tickets keep selling, Al Davis won't see any real need to make any changes on the field.

Yes, I have noticed that there are empty seats at the stadium. Yes, I know that the games aren't selling out. That is, in my opinion, a step in the right direction. However, I still don't think that the seat vacancies and the blackouts have reached a level yet that will truly get the attention of Al Davis. When Al shows up for a game and sees that the stadium is practically empty, then it may finally dawn on him that he needs to change his ways.

With all that said, why should I waste my time and my money to watch a team that refuses to make changes that would make it a competative team? Keep in mind this is not "fair weather fan" thinking. This isn't just about a team losing games. It's about an owner continuing to do the same things over and over that obviously don't work. If it was obvious that Al Davis was doing everything he could to win, which included modernizing his offense and defense, then I would be there at the stadium with you watching the games, despite the losing record. I refuse to go now because I don't want to support stupidity.

P.S. Please don't give me the old "We have to keep showing support for our team!" garbage. That's enough to make me barf. The way this team is now, there is nothing the fans can do to help it. Even with the stadium packed, they still stink. Also, you can cut out all the ranting and raving about how I am not a true fan, either. I've been a Raider fan for 27 years, and have attended games in Los Angeles, Oakland, San Diego, and Seattle. Just stick to the question...why do you go to the games? Why should I go to the games?

How much blame is on Russell?

2009-11-16T09:40:13Z

Signs of a bad quarterback. All season, Russell has been getting receivers clocked. JLH keeps getting clocked on slants. Murphy has been clocked a few times. On short throws he's so slow that the defense closes in and makes the backs drop the check downs. RUSSELL IS EXPOSING RECEIVERS TO HITS.

Russell needs to take responsibility for building the chemistry at the BEGINING of the game. All season Russell has been erratic with throws that are either high, behind or low. He's so erratic at the begining of games that he get's everyone out of whack.

DHB needs to be catching footballs day and night.

Poll

Is Russell, the PLAYER most responsible for the Raider's offensive problems?

5+ Questions?

2009-11-16T09:21:32Z

1. Does it seem from Cable's statement that he is now more concerned about the psyche and development of the whole team than the fact that Russell is the big money high pick qb?

2. I believe that Russell’s erratic accuracy at the beginning of the game ruins the passing games chemistry for the whole game, what do you think?

3. If teams don’t respect the Raider’s passing game with Russell it makes it that much harder to run the ball. It seems that Gradkowski could help the Raider’s run.

4. Is that what Gradkowski is alluding to when he says they shouldn’t have been in that position at the end of the game? He may be lobbying for the start, what do you think?

5. Lastly, if Cable has been forced to follow Al Davis’ directive on Russell so far, then doesn’t that give him a pass on the poor first half – so that he can save his job these next seven games?

Oakland Raiders Postgame Recap: Chiefs 16, Raiders 10

2009-11-16T01:10:49Z

For the 99th time, the two bitter rivals squared off. [via image3.examiner.com]

Completing the season series were the Raiders and the Chiefs from Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum. Oakland had won the earlier meeting at Arrowhead Stadium, but this time around, it was Kansas City emerging as the victor. It was the seventh straight time the Chiefs had beaten the Raiders in Oakland and the 52nd overall time that it had happened in now what has been the 99th meeting. Blacked out locally, I was forced to watch this game on a stream. Let's see how this one transpired.

Raiders running back Michael Bush finished with 119 yards on just 14 carries. [via a.espncdn.com]

The Raiders started with the ball first and didn't wait around. Michael Bush's 60-yard run set up a Justin Fargas touchdown, putting the Raiders up 7-0 just four plays into the game. The Chiefs, on the very next drive, turned the ball over. It was their first of three turnovers as Matt Cassel was picked off by Chris Johnson. Some punts later, the Chiefs were on the board thanks to a 50-yard field from Ryan Succop. The slow-moving first quarter next saw Sebastian Janikowski connect from 50 yards out as well, and the Raiders maintained a 10-3 lead. That was all the scoring the Raiders would get.

Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles had a career-high 103 yards. [via a.espncdn.com]

The Chiefs were faced with a fourth down at the Oakland 44 and decided to go for it. Instead of a first down, they earned something better. For the first time this season, the Chiefs scored a rushing touchdown. A 44-yard score by Charles tied the game up. The Raiders followed up by punting four more times in the quarter with all four "drives" resulting in four plays run or less. Kansas City tacked on a field goal before halftime down the line in the quarter, and the Raiders trailed 13-10 at the break. The Chiefs' top playmaker, Dwayne Bowe, had 91 yards receiving on the day and had 48 of those in the second quarter. He even drew a pass interference penalty in this quarter on Chris Johnson. Not-so-fun fact: Oakland had lost 18 straight games in which they trailed going into the half.

Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell was finally benched after another porous effort. [via a.espncdn.com]

There wasn't much action in the third quarter, but there were certainly some headlines. JaMarcus Russell was finally benched after going 9-for-24 with 67 yards. A fair share of drops and bad passes contributed to the usually-low completion percentage. Both teams missed field goals and failed to score points in the third quarter. Oakland could not capitalize on a pair of Kansas City turnovers in the quarter. Oakland managed just three points off of three turnovers in the game overall.

The man Chiefs fans love to hate, safety Mike Brown, finally gave them a reason to smile. [via a.espncdn.com]

The Chiefs added a field goal early on in the fourth quarter to give them a 16-10 cushion. Despite the change at quarterback, offensive ineptitude continued for the men in silver and black. They were still, however, in a position to win the game late. Bruce Gradkowski tried to engineer a game-winning drive. After hitting Chaz Schilens and Johnnie Lee Higgins, the Raiders were in pretty decent position to put something together; however, mysterious play-calling and clock management led to the downfall late. Still, a 22-yard pass to Darrius Heyward-Bey -- surprisingly held up by replay -- had the Raiders in business. On the next play, though, a pass intended for Heyward-Bey was picked off by Mike Brown to seal the game.

Will JaMarcus Russell be under center again despite being benched today? [via a.espncdn.com]

A couple of thoughts are in my head after that game. First, it's nice having Chaz Schilens back. He led the team in receiving with 41 yards off of four receptions. Still, the drops are a problem for not only wide receivers but for everyone. Some screens should have been caught by Darren McFadden and Justin Fargas, but they were dropped instead. Secondly, the ground game was really good once again. Bush and Fargas combined for 160 yards on 24 carries. Despite McFadden returning, he had only 11 yards on just four carries. It leads me to question how valuable he is to this offense. Bush clearly looks superior on the ground and should get the bulk of the carries moving forward. Lastly, with an inept passing attack, we still have a very good tight end in Zach Miller. He was virtually non-existent in today's game with just one single catch for nine yards. We saw a little bit too much of Tony Stewart and Brandon Myers and not enough of our top weapon in the aerial aspect of the game.

Next week, these Kansas City Chiefs (2-7) will be hosting the Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3). The Oakland Raiders, now at an abysmal 2-7, will be playing at home again and taking on the shocking 7-2 Cincinnati Bengals at 1:15 p.m. Pacific. It's sure to be another blackout.

Poll

Weekly Recap Poll: Who was the Oakland Raiders player of the game?

All I want for Christmas is a new QB

2009-11-15T23:52:15Z

Every year I always say its the Raider's year, but it will never happen because of a QB who just doesn't care. He shrugs off things and blames everyone else. he points the finger and doesn't realize there are four pointing right back at him. So for the Raiders to be successful is..... A NEW QB!!! We need a QB that knows how to be a leader and a NFL QB. Just imagine if the Raiders had someone who cared and could play.

Charlie Frye for President

2009-11-15T02:57:42Z

Ok I was watching our first Preseason game vs the Cowboys one of the few games we have won and I saw Jamarcus Russell he was Blah... Ok then Grad came in he was better than JR then Mr.President Charlie Frye came it and tore it up. His passes were average, His decisions were Ok but His Pocket Awareness was freaking Out- standing which is What JR sucks at and a few more things but, I don't understand why he can't get that taught to him by Charlie is it cause he thinks he is too good or something. I saw some good things from him if we could some how mix JR's arm strength, Grad's accuracy, and Frye's pocket awareness we would have a dam good QB. If you guys could go back and see what I'm talkin about in the 1st game it would be great cuz I can't find it all in You Tube.