clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

It's Check Out Time for Walsh: ( A Satire)

High above in the coach's box at the Oakland Coliseum dwells a man of unparallelled intellect. He is known as a genius by those close to him.

He was handpicked and plucked from the cozy confines of his bed and breakfast and mayoral duties to lead the Silver and Black Raiders back to the promised land.

We pick up his story today as his team is on the field and he is sending in plays form his "Secret Handbook":

The Raiders are coming out of a time-out:

Walsh: Let's go, Biscuits and Gravy left with a Ham an Eggs motion.

Walter: Huh?

Walsh: Scratch that we're out of ham, so make that bacon!!!


His young QB, Andrew Walter, delivers the play to the team...

Walter: Ummmm...Ummmm...Okay guys, I know this is embarassing, but, here it is...Biscuits and Gravy left...Eggs and Bacon in motion...On Three.

Moss: Am I Biscuits or gravy?

Walter: You are biscuits!

Moss: Why am I always Biscuits, I wanna be Gravy!!!

Walter: Because Gravy is for CLOSERS!!!

Gallery: Duh...Duhhh...Heavy Metal RULES!!!


Gallery: Right, on two, gotcha!!!

Walsh: Come on Kid, the eggs are getting cold and the coffee is turning I can't hold it together much longer!!!

Walter: Look coach, Gallery thinks it's a two egg omelette, Randy still wants to be "Gravy" and Jordan is pissed that we're out of Ham!!!

Walsh: Kid, it is almost check out time and I need to get these rooms turned or the patrons will demand refunds...Now get in there and start cooking!!!

Walter sulks up to the line where a hungry defense is preparing to eat his Chorizo for lunch.

He bends under center and takes the ball on three...He counts off his STEPS and looks up to see Randy Moss jogging a route and Curry trying to break free of a linebacker when he suddenly feels a rush of pain shoot through his right shoulder...He knows that once again, his BACON is cooked...

He faintly hears a sound in his earpiece, it is Tom Walsh:

Walsh: MMMMMM....Bacon

After the game the Head Coach is asked what his impressions are of his buddy, Tom Walsh:

Shell: People may not know Tom like I know Tom, but believe me when I tell you that Tom Walsh is a Musical Genius, and some day people will recognize him for that.

And so concludes this edition of "Tom Walsh, the Musical Genius"