clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Coca Cola Road to the Big Game Party Guide: Two Days 'Til The End Of The World--Let's Party

I want to say this as calmly as possible, so that no one can mistake my meaning, PANIC! IT IS TIME TO PANIC!

The future is dark and cold; I close my eyes and I am haunted by the visions of a nuclear winter--we do not know when the next season will start. I am like a baby without his blanket and my thoughts spin rapidly towards irrational disaster.

There isn't going to be any off-season workouts; there will not be training camp; we can forget about pre-season; might as well cancel the season; they are never going to play NFL football again! Is this room spinning? I can't breathe.

It's times like these when I open my little safe to revisit the note I keep right next to a picture of Barret Robbins and a hand gun. It's titled  "Football Season is Over."

No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun - for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax -This won't hurt.

Wait, calm down noontide. What do your therapist, AA, NA and your dog tell you?--take it one day at a time. Besides, there are still two more days of football left. Even though neither of those weekends will be featuring the greatest team in the history of creation, they are still pretty decent days of football. 

This weekend we have Championship Sunday. A day I like to just causally sit down with a couple close friends and do a hard-core geek out on football for a brisk 10 hours. Keep in mind, this is coming from a guy who has a hard time sitting through an entire TV show and the same guy who rips hair from his skull due to the monotonous boredom of a five minute phone conversation. However, give me the conference championship games and I won't even get up to go the bathroom.

The Super Bowl is usually a bit more festive activity in my world. I usually attend or throw a party and I don't crap myself on the coach while in a hypnotic state. Which brings me to the whole point of this post: What are y'all's plans for Super Sunday?

I don't like to go to huge parties, because the bigger the crowd the more likely the focus is to get shifted from the action and--I don't know if you guys know this or not--but I am a pretty serious football fan. I am guessing you are too, or you wouldn't be on a Raiders blog a month after the season ended. 

So, I say about 10-15 people is a good number for a Super Bowl gathering. Besides a nice TV, there are couple of necessities: food, beverages and gambling. I like to bet on everything during the Super Bowl. I'll start a list that goes from coin flip winner--to first TD--to final score--to who will the MVP thank first and everything in between. My favorite bet from last year was, what will be greater the total of Kim Kardashian's measurements or Reggie Bush's total yards Kim won, 36+24+39=99 to Reggie's 25+38+4=67

Now, I enjoy betting, but that is not anywhere near as important as what I stuff my face hole with.

I am a no frills beverage person. Give me a Coke and some cheap see through non light beer and I am good. Food on the other hand, I like to make it a little more interesting. Pot-luck style parties always work best for the Super Bowl. I mean you don't want to sit down and have a meal, you want to snack yourself full.

Check out what I am making this year--I am excited. I've never had or seen these before, but they have probably been done. Nevertheless, I am going to name them: Noontide's Lil' Artery Blockers.

I am going to bacon wrap lil' smokies and deep fry 'em. I'll do that the night before. Then, the ones I don't eat the night before, I am going to crock pot them up in some spicy BBQ sauce. Simple and delicious--I figure if I make about 500, there should be enough to share.

I know we got a ways to go before the big day, but that'll give us plenty of time to share recipe's, party ideas and think of cool bets.

In the meantime, remember the advice of my dog, take it one day at a time (he is so wise--like a miniature Buddha covered in hair). Take in everything football you can. The pregames, the postgames, the interviews, Rex Ryan's chin skin, take it all in. It's all we got and all we will have to help us get through billionaires whining about how much money they have to give millionaires.