clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

RaiderDamus' Wednesday Foretelling: Raiders vs. Chargers

New, comments

What fate will befall our beloved Raiders on Christmas Eve, with Santa Claus flying overhead? Will he give the Raiders a win over the Chargers, or simply a lump of coal? Read and find out!

Greetings, Raider fans! It is I, jolly old Raiderdamus. I come to you today having accurately predicted the Raiders' loss to the Packers, but  am not pleased about it. Yet again the Raiders lost a game they could have easily won, but I suppose that's better than getting blown out with no effort or will to win. The Raiders make mistakes, but they always fight hard. That and the talent level are huge differences between this team and whatever it was Dennis Allen put on the field. Everyone knows the Raiders are coming. It used to be that, much like Santa Claus, the Raiders only came once a year and it was down a chimney.

So in the spirit of goodwill and tradition, I have again contacted the Great Beyond to get his take on the Christmas Eve game. It's difficult to focus on this game after seeing the NFL Network commercials advertising it, which feature the lovely Naya Rivera, but we are professionals. Here is what the Great Old One had to say:

"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the 'hood

Not a DB was covering, except for C-Wood.

The jerseys were hung in the lockers with care

In hopes that the Raiders soon would be there.

The fans were all nestled and snug in their seats

They saw visions of touchdowns brought by Cooper's cleats.

While I in my costume sat next to Darth Vader

And saw the torch light for Al, the ultimate Raider.

When a clamor arose, and I took in the news

That the Chargers had come, to a chorus of boos.

But soon metal music rose up from the back

And heralded the Raider team, led by Coach Jack.

In showing up, S.D. had made a poor choice

As we all heard the boom of Jack's powerful voice

"On Malcolm! On Benson! On Heeney and Mack!

Go tackle the runners! Go rack up some sacks!

On Carrie! On Hayden! On Neiko and Wood!

Lay out some receivers, like a Raider team should!

From midfield to red zone and all in between

Put Rivers on his backside, and damage his spleen!"

And then Captain Jack, as he wished them good luck

Said "Now let's go out there and win one for Chuck!"

And so it was clear as the Bolts soiled their pants

In the face of the Raiders, they did not have a chance.

The Black Hole was rocking for C-Wood's last play

While Santa flew over our heads in his sleigh

He called out, "We know all good things, they must pass

Merry Christmas to all, now go kick the Dolts' ass!"

Raiders win, 34-20."