Greetings, Raider fans! It is I, jolly old Raiderdamus. I come to you today having accurately predicted the Raiders' loss to the Packers, but am not pleased about it. Yet again the Raiders lost a game they could have easily won, but I suppose that's better than getting blown out with no effort or will to win. The Raiders make mistakes, but they always fight hard. That and the talent level are huge differences between this team and whatever it was Dennis Allen put on the field. Everyone knows the Raiders are coming. It used to be that, much like Santa Claus, the Raiders only came once a year and it was down a chimney.
So in the spirit of goodwill and tradition, I have again contacted the Great Beyond to get his take on the Christmas Eve game. It's difficult to focus on this game after seeing the NFL Network commercials advertising it, which feature the lovely Naya Rivera, but we are professionals. Here is what the Great Old One had to say:
"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the 'hood
Not a DB was covering, except for C-Wood.
The jerseys were hung in the lockers with care
In hopes that the Raiders soon would be there.
The fans were all nestled and snug in their seats
They saw visions of touchdowns brought by Cooper's cleats.
While I in my costume sat next to Darth Vader
And saw the torch light for Al, the ultimate Raider.
When a clamor arose, and I took in the news
That the Chargers had come, to a chorus of boos.
But soon metal music rose up from the back
And heralded the Raider team, led by Coach Jack.
In showing up, S.D. had made a poor choice
As we all heard the boom of Jack's powerful voice
"On Malcolm! On Benson! On Heeney and Mack!
Go tackle the runners! Go rack up some sacks!
On Carrie! On Hayden! On Neiko and Wood!
Lay out some receivers, like a Raider team should!
From midfield to red zone and all in between
Put Rivers on his backside, and damage his spleen!"
And then Captain Jack, as he wished them good luck
Said "Now let's go out there and win one for Chuck!"
And so it was clear as the Bolts soiled their pants
In the face of the Raiders, they did not have a chance.
The Black Hole was rocking for C-Wood's last play
While Santa flew over our heads in his sleigh
He called out, "We know all good things, they must pass
Merry Christmas to all, now go kick the Dolts' ass!"
Raiders win, 34-20."