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More priceless Patriots fans reactions, this time to Wells report rebuttal

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Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

When the Wells report initially came out, the Patriots fan responses were... quite amazing. So, I passed a few of them on to you so you may enjoy the delusion as much as I did. Now the Patriots lawyers have put together a rebuttal. And it's a doozy. It's basically what a defense attorney would present to the jury in court to try and prove their client's innocence. Or more to the point, to prove the other side doesn't have enough to PROVE their absolute guilt.

The problem with all of it is this isn't a court of law. No one is at risk of seeing jail time. This is an employer versus an employee. And in such cases, the results of the Wells report to any objective observer (NOT Patriots fans) can see what was going on through the text messages of Patriots employees and other findings.

While the rest of the sports world (NOT Patriots fans) are getting quite a laugh out of the tripe in the rebuttal, Patriots fans are eating it up like juicy steak. When one REALLY wants to believe something (or not believe something in the case of the Wells report), one can convince one's self of anything.

Here are a few fun responses.

The main criticism of the rebuttal comes with the hardest thing for the Patriots lawyer to explain. That being Jim McNally referring to himself as "The Deflator". Something Patriots fans previously pretended was just a name he gave himself because he was the ball handler.

The new report says he referred to himself as "The Deflator" because he was trying to lose weight. We all realize that is bovine feces on a monumental level. Then there's these guys who realize how "absurd" it is, but in their minds that just proves how TRUE it must be. The delusion is downright blinding in these ones.

Dude, the texts were in the OFFSEASON.

It's totally plausible and (no doubt) the truth.

by BryanMatthew on May 14, 2015 | 9:50 AM up reply

At the same time

It is such a lame excuse/story that it almost has to be true. If they were lying they would have come up with something more plausible

by NU Husky on May 14, 2015 | 9:56 AM up reply

Sometimes the absurd

is too absurd to be false.

"These players, a lot of other people didn't believe in them, but they believe in themselves. And that is all that matters."- Bill Belichick

Maine knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is BRADY

by Mainiac on May 14, 2015 | 9:59 AM up reply

Then the hope beyond hope that those handling the appeal suffer from the same crippling delusion they do.

I'm trying to post cliff notes here

I think we get all of our picks back, this just destroyed the whole report

I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come. #DefendTheWall #FreeBrady

by Jamesdevlin on May 14, 2015 | 8:33 AM up reply

This just changed everything, Everything makes perfect sense

Goodell is a deadman if he doesn't overturn it

I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come. #DefendTheWall #FreeBrady

by Jamesdevlin on May 14, 2015 | 8:39 AM up reply

In other news, sales of tissue and lotion are skyrocketing in the Northeastern US today.

This is great. Oh my god I love the Patriots.

by LWood1213 on May 14, 2015 | 8:41 AM reply

The NFL really stepped in it this time. The Patriots may have let them catch them cheating once, but coming after them a second time? Well, that's just against the code.

The league's made a mistake

Trying to f*** up the Patriots a second time after Spygate.

by SigUp on May 14, 2015 | 8:44 AM reply

The rebuttal carries about as much weight as a blog post, but somehow it will shield off evil like holy water on a crucifix. It's steaming hot alright, but usually scooped up with a shovel in my experience.

Any troll who comes to the Pulpit is going to get served a steaming hot plate of wellsreportcontext

"This is why you're here Strap!" 
#TheNorthEastRemembers 
5/12 Tom Brady Day

by 1254503775323387 on May 14, 2015 | 8:49 AM up reply

The rebuttal's awesome power will render the months long investigation and all the results and punishments useless. It will be "toilet paper". If only to wipe up the after the reBUTTal.

This just destroyed everything in wells report

the wells report is now a piece of toilet paper. I know you don't read but you will see

I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come. #DefendTheWall #FreeBrady

by Jamesdevlin on May 14, 2015 | 8:55 AM up reply

slight correction

it always was a piece of toilet paper

by Mahler2 on May 14, 2015 | 8:56 AM up reply

Then someone from outside the circle jerk comes in asking questions. Here is a reasonable one... met with a rebuttal which will blow your mind in how accurately it portrays the tone of the Patriots rebuttal to the Wells report.

Ok, why did Kraft indefinitely suspend two employees if nothing happened? Not the NFL, Mr. Kraft.

by The Curse on May 14, 2015 | 9:13 AM up reply

Dude can you stop?

Why do they give police officers leave after they kill someone?

I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come. #DefendTheWall #FreeBrady

by Jamesdevlin on May 14, 2015 | 9:15 AM up reply

Then this response saying 'Kraft said he would take his lumps until the league ACTUALLY followed through'. Now, 'here we are whining about it and acting like we did nothing wrong.

Probably trying to get out in front and appease the NFL, notice they weren't outright fired

Remember, initially Kraft said he was gonna abide by any punishment the league handed down. Then Goody and Vincent went full retard and now, here we are.

by DocOne on May 14, 2015 | 9:40 AM up reply

If you think a pandering local paper whose front page yesterday showed the Patriots' four Super Bowl trophies and reads "Deflategate is all about envy... Howling winds of jealousy... Why do they hate us? (ANYBODY HAVE ANY IDEAS?)" is biased, well, then you are just a troll.

They always start with "not trolling"

But then they end up claiming the Boston Herald is a "Patriots bias site"

by Mahler2 on May 14, 2015 | 9:15 AM up reply

And if you come in not convinced the rebuttal answered all doubts and are asking questions, well you will be flagged like them 'tattletale' Indianapolis Colts.

They do, they do.

He's flagged. I can't put up this stuff anymore. If there are those that don't want to read stuff on our position as fans and those supporting the New England Patriots, then GTFO.

"This is why you're here Strap!" 
#TheNorthEastRemembers 
5/12 Tom Brady Day

by 1254503775323387 on May 14, 2015 | 9:21 AM up reply

We end with one of the many straw men in the rebuttal which conveniently ignores the texts from "The Deflator" about having a great autograph day for living up to his self-given title.

Like the rebuttal said

there would have to be some giant conspiracy scheme to deflate footballs for years because TB gets so many requests to autograph memorabilia.

"This is why you're here Strap!" 
#TheNorthEastRemembers 
5/12 Tom Brady Day

by 1254503775323387 on May 14, 2015 | 9:26 AM up reply

As before, I had to stop at some point. I was in too deep. And it just got redundant anyway. And in case you haven't laughed enough yet, watch this video.