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QB Osweiler's departure leaves Broncos scraping the bottom of the barrel

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After John Elway ran Brock Osweiler out of town and into Houston's waiting arms and checkbook, the Broncos look to some not-so-inspiring choices at quarterback.

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Yesterday brought gleeful Raider fans the news that the Houston Texans had signed former Denver Broncos to an absolutely ludicrous and irresponsible contract (4 years, $72 million with $37 million guaranteed). The happiness was for two reasons:

1,. The Raiders get to face Osweiler and the Texans on Monday Night Football in Mexico City this season, and Osweiler may not have had enough therapy at that point to work through the mental trauma that Khalil Mack gave him in Oakland's victory in Denver last season.

2. Both of Denver's top two quarterbacks from last season have skipped town, meaning the Broncos will be looking for a new quarterback. The Broncos have a lot of choices, and all of them are bad.

Colin Kaepernick seems the most likely option, but there is (for whatever reason) a lot of competition for his services, according to this report from CSN's Matt Maiocco:

Colin Kaepernick is a terrible fit in Gary Kubiak's system. Kaep's game is that he runs around with his hair on fire and makes plays. Kubiak's system requires cerebral diagnosis of defenses and quick decision making and accuracy. None of these are qualities for which Kaepernick is known. He would be the second coming of Tim Tebow in Denver.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is another name I am hearing linked to Denver. Fitz is a better fit in a Kubiak offense, because he went to Harvard which means he is smarter than you. The problem is, Fitzpatrick is not very good and he is holding the Jets hostage for a big contract because their other option is Geno Smith, which apparently is totally untenable for the Jets front office. The Broncos will lock themselves in at 8-8 with the signing of Fitzpatrick, and will be forced to draft the next great former failed Browns QB in the upcoming draft. That's probably Christian Hackenberg.

Another name being tossed around is Robert Griffin III. He is basically Colin Kaepernick without any of the success, but all of the ego. Kaepernick at least went to a Super Bowl. Griffin's biggest accomplishment is the Heisman Trophy, which he won by choosing not to attend the University of Texas as a safety prospect. Griffin is apparently a real jerk and nobody likes him, if you believe DC talk radio.

Brian Hoyer's name has also come up, and he at least went to the playoffs last year after J.J. Watt stuffed him in a suitcase and mailed him there. I personally endorse Brian Hoyer as Broncos quarterback, because we just signed Sean Smith and he needs to reach whatever performance bonuses his agent put into his contract.

The fact of the matter is, John Elway screwed this up by showing such blatant disrespect to Brock Osweiler as to bench him in the Super Bowl. Johnny Unitas didn't even play in Super Bowl 3 until Earl Morrall got hurt. All of Elway's options suck.

In the comments section, please discuss the Broncos and heap praise upon Derek Carr, who is without question the finest quarterback in the division. He's the reason the Raiders aren't choosing between a turd sandwich and a poop burrito like the Broncos are.