Saturday College football bowl games open thread

Here we go boys and girls, one of the biggest days in the college football calendar is upon us. Today will be the two College Football Playoff Semifinal games, but first we have a couple other bowls to get through this morning.

Michigan and Florida face off in the Chik-Fil-A Peach Bowl at 9 AM Pacific Time on ESPN live from Robotic Butthole Stadium in Atlanta, which just makes me want a chicken sandwich. Neither Michigan nor Florida have a functional offense, but both have fantastic defenses. This game is basically Broncos vs. 49ers.

At 9 AM on ESPN is the Belk Bowl from Charlotte, featuring South Carolina and Virginia. Coincidentally, Belk is the noise I make when I have to watch either of these two teams play. Is it possible to score negative points? Let’s find out!

At 10:15 AM on CBS Sports Network is the Nova Home Loans Arizona Bowl, live from Bill’s Mexican Cantina and HVAC Repair University in Tuscon, Arizona. This game is between Nevada and Arkansas State, because they need love too I guess.

But then at 1 PM we get to the cream of the crop, the Semifinal games. First up, in the Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic live from Jerruhworld in Arlington, TX, Clemson and Notre Dame fight for the chance to go get assblasted by Alabama on national television next week. Clemson has been beset by suspensions for banned substances, probably from drinking the water in Texas.

At 5 PM, Heisman Trophy winner Kyler Murray and the Oklahoma Sooners will get assblasted by Alabama on national television in the Capital One Orange Bowl live from Giant Pile of Cocaine Stadium in Miami. If only it were Ohio State receiving a beating from Alabama, because they need more public embarrassment.

Enjoy the games!