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Raiders had their Royal Wedding in January

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NFL: Oakland Raiders-Jon Gruden Press Conference Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

All the Western world is abuzz with the British Royal Wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. That’s all lovely, but there was already a royal wedding this year. It happened in Oakland four months ago. Between Prince Mark and Jon Gruden.

The Oakland marriage was a long time coming. The two first met in Oakland 20 years ago when Jon was a young prodigy for Mark’s father, King Al the first. But after a four-year relationship, Al would send Jon away to Tampa upon the Bay and there Jon would get his ring and long term commitment from another.

Jon’s marriage into the rival pirate family would end after seven years. But Al was still in power in Oakland at that time, so no reunion was going to happen.

Two years later, King Al would pass on and Prince Mark would inherit the throne. At which point he immediately began courting Jon. But by then Jon’s relationship status had become complicated — He was married to the people.

Davis would eventually win Gruden’s heart through persistence. He spent six years in a long distance relationship with Jon, fanning his old flame. Keeping the smoldering embers aglow. Luckily for him, Gruden still carried a place in his heart for Oakland and the Raiders and one day Mark’s affection was reciprocated.

Just a year prior, Mark had renewed his vows with Don Juan Del Rio. But their relationship quickly turned sour after Don Juan was unable keep his promise of returning the Raiders to greatness. Mark was ready to end it the moment Don Juan’s services were no longer required. Though only if a replacement could be secured.

Mark again proposed to Jon. And this time Jon accepted. Mark quickly ended things with Don Juan and a date was set for the Davis/Gruden union.

The Royal wedding ceremony was a regal affair with a who’s who of Raiders royalty in attendance. The two golden-crowned sovereign beaus took to the stage with officiant McKenzie to announce the bond before the world.

There, the two made a long term commitment to be together for better or for worse, thru Oakland and in Vegas, ‘til decade do they part. Gruden has even promised Davis a ring.

(release the war pigeons)