Greetings, Raider Nation! The Great Raiderdamus welcomes you to another night of football. Tonight’s festivites include a main event of our beloved Raiders against the Lions, but the undercard features the New York Jets taking on the Atlanta Falcons.
The Falcons were a playoff team last year after falling short in the Super Bowl two years ago. The Dirty Birds opened Robotic Butthole Stadium to much fanfare, mostly because of their dirt-cheap concessions prices rather than because of the football team itself.
The Jets, on the other hand, still don’t have a stadium of their own and share Metlife with the Giants. The Jets were expected to be so bad last year that they wouldn’t win a game, but of course they managed to win five meaningless games, still finish last in their division, and crater their draft position. However, in a stroke of luck, they were able to draft the player they might have taken first overall anyway, former USC quarterback Sam Darnold.
We will see plenty of Darnold tonight after he ended his holdout last week, but it’s unlikely that he will be able to match the performance that Baker Mayfield turned in last night, looking like a combination of Russell Wilson and Jeff George. Darnold is more likely to look like a combination of Chad Pennington and a 1994 Ford Taurus.
Sam Darnold is a Lego version of himself.
The game begins at 4:30 p.m. Pacific on the NFL Network. Enjoy the game!